tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164586283261437549.post212811115067013492..comments2023-10-25T08:35:07.943-04:00Comments on Baby Mama Drama Queen: LocsUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger42125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164586283261437549.post-11359749757361353832009-12-04T23:48:16.428-05:002009-12-04T23:48:16.428-05:00Hi !.
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No judgement just my opinion.<br /><br />RobbinRobbin Hopkinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05955974399106425304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164586283261437549.post-32225982849048831282009-08-08T05:54:36.218-04:002009-08-08T05:54:36.218-04:00You actually WILL find an African American parents...You actually WILL find an African American parents who would loc their childrens hair at a young age. I know several including myself. I chose to loc my daughter's hair because it suited her and it fit. She is 8 years old now. The natural hair community is Wonderful about telling little ones with locs in the street how beautiful their hair is. I also keep my daughter around people with locs/natural hair and keep her hair well maintained. If when she's 12 or how ever old and wants to cut them out thats fine too. Most African American girls start jacking up their hair with products at that age anyway. Children don't have to make their own decisions about everything. We should be supportive of our differences and not judgemental.Tonyanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164586283261437549.post-4069952927905430212009-07-06T11:22:06.081-04:002009-07-06T11:22:06.081-04:00Interestingi post. I agree that you would be hard...Interestingi post. I agree that you would be hard-pressed to find a parent who will lock their child's hair unless the parent has locks themselves or the child is old enough to understand and request it. That being said, both my sons have locks like their father who is RastafarI (freeform locks). Sometimes I notice strange looks and glances at their heads and I wonder what is going on in the minds of people when they look at them. They are usually the only ones wearing locks most of the time too. It's absolutely essential that they should be able to look at their dad and feel like they look like someone, fit in somewhere and take that strength with them as they go into the world. Anyone who has worn locks themselves know that there are many situations where it does take a lot of strength and determination and conviction to wear locks--especially if they are not highly styled. I think many non-Black people, though, regard locks as "just another cool style Black folks can do" and fail to understand all the social and political ramifications of locks. Even Black people who are not trying to make any particular statement often end up being unfairly characterized (and sometimes persecuted) for locks. That is why it's such a big decision. Either you're grown and can handle it or you have someone to support and help you handle it as a small child.The Original Wombmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08635150040219983526noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164586283261437549.post-78469412655116116672009-03-27T08:57:00.000-04:002009-03-27T08:57:00.000-04:00My ten year old daughter (adopted in Ethiopia six ...My ten year old daughter (adopted in Ethiopia six months ago) has long curly hair. She uses Carol's Daughter products and I think her curls are beautiful. She wears her hair long and loose. When we met in Ethiopia, she talked about wanting to straighten her hair. After being home several months and adjusting to so many available hair care products, she no longer mentions a desire to straighten her hair. I'm pleased, to be honest. I love her curls. It's the look I tried to achieve with all those back-to-school spiral perms in the 80s but could never quite get...<BR/><BR/>Thanks for your post. We need the education! :)<BR/>Sarah in Raleigh, NC<BR/>sarahcteacher@yahoo.comAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164586283261437549.post-38901039269216811772009-03-03T23:55:00.000-05:002009-03-03T23:55:00.000-05:00Thank you for your post and I'd love for you, and ...Thank you for your post and I'd love for you, and any others, to continue posting about black hair and skin care. As a white, adoptive mom, to a beautiful 22 mo. old little girl from Ethiopia, I try very hard to keep her hair healthy and looking good. For not even two, she has a massive amount of amazing curls. What I've noticed, is that her hair is the one thing EVERYONE comments about. She has even started touching and pointing to her hair whenever anyone starts talking to her, as if she's so used to everyone mentioning it. I want her to feel beautiful and proud of her hair, but I also don't want her to feel that that's the only part about her that matters. I want to make sure I'm doing the "right" thing in maintaining her healthy hair and skin, so please keep posting about this topic.... your insight is very much appreciated!!The Redman'shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01066910172367384472noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164586283261437549.post-57057588417164030532009-02-25T13:46:00.000-05:002009-02-25T13:46:00.000-05:00Wow! I just found your blog and read through thes...Wow! I just found your blog and read through these last few posts and all of the comments. Thank you so much for posting about this. Clearly it is an issue that people feel very strongly about, one way or the other. We've never planned on locing our son's hair, but it is good to read this regardless.Staciehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09371050778429168983noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164586283261437549.post-80812208010979548462009-02-15T11:44:00.000-05:002009-02-15T11:44:00.000-05:00I'm catching this very late, but here's my $.02:As...I'm catching this very late, but here's my $.02:<BR/>As a black adoptive parent, I have to mention that relaxers are "permanent" also, but there does not to be a huge backlash from black observers against white APs who relax their daughter's hair. I believe that locs provide an excellent way to show a child that you affirm the texture of hair they were born with; it doesn't need to be chemically altered to be acceptable to others. It IS something that needs to be carefully considered, but by no means IMO should black observers be saddened by the choice of white APs to loc; I think it should be celebrated. I wear locs, and I too loced my hair as an adult; I don't feel it is necessary for a child to have to endure years, possibly decades of hair wars before they arrive at an acceptance of their hair...parents can facilitate that acceptance earlier by their words and deeds, i.e. styling options and positive remarks about the child's hair. Little girls with locs can wear their hair "down" and free; there are many different types of locs, some of which are more versatile than others, especially thinner locs such as Sisterlocks (www.sisterlocks.com) and the like. Locs are part of the heritage of black people; the Masai people of Kenya and other African ethnic groups have worn them for centuries. I know the OP is not anti-locing, but I feel that to ascribe to a view that locing is an adult decision leaves the impression that other AA hair styling options, i.e. relaxers, extension braids, etc are more suitable for young children (when they very well may not be!) and that it is only locing that needs a separate type of serious, adult deliberation upon selecting it as a hair style.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164586283261437549.post-39045207950195825852009-02-12T12:33:00.000-05:002009-02-12T12:33:00.000-05:00I learned a lot today. Wow!I learned a lot today. Wow!steffanyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08647060326584152206noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164586283261437549.post-59821475832475540892009-02-10T20:38:00.000-05:002009-02-10T20:38:00.000-05:00Robbin, thank you for the email! That means a lot,...Robbin, thank you for the email!<BR/><BR/> That means a lot, and when and if the time comes I"m gonna email you for the advice on how to do it to save the length. That would be time and money well spent. <BR/><BR/>Thank you for being gracious and trying to understand. IT really is hard to know what the right thing to do is and not wanting to step on anyone's toes....its one of the complicated things of being a transracial family. And frankly, it's impossible to please everyone and usually you get someone miffed over something. So this, honestly, was a long hard decision, MUCH consulting, much agonizing...but seems the best choice considering the difficult and unusual circumstances. And due to that, and some of the other things that come w/ these issues, I long ago got a thicker skin (at least in public) and learned to let a lot roll off my back. Most folks can't even imagine or guess the whys of some of the things that can be easy to judge.....so since they can't know, I can't judge back either. <BR/><BR/>Sigh. <BR/><BR/>Parenting, transracial adopting, adopting, being a mom, girl hair....it's not for sissies!!coffeemomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12332220347018136072noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164586283261437549.post-59612655034964506622009-02-10T20:13:00.000-05:002009-02-10T20:13:00.000-05:00Well, this is a great post and thread. I have a s...Well, this is a great post and thread. <BR/><BR/>I have a slightly different take on it though. <BR/><BR/>I am a white mom. I have two African American daughters, with completely different types of hair (and a daughter waiting in Ethiopia). One of my daughters is SO tenderheaded that she starts crying at the sight a brush. The other is not at all tenderheaded. But her issues are so complicated that they led me, after many years of trying styles and ways of doing her hair, taking advice from black friends and beauticians, you name it, to go natural and loc. <BR/><BR/>YOu see, my daughter has had seizures since she was 4 and is on several meds and has some complicated health issues. These very meds and behaviors have been a huge challenge, surprisingly enough, w/ regards to her hair! Meaning, she will compulsively pull it out, in chunks, it is extra fragile from the meds for some reason (some are worse than others over the years but we have to go w/ the meds that are working for the current time etc) and it will simply break. We have tried every which way to baby her hair and she is blessed w/ a lot of it, though thin and fragile....her hair was always WAY easier to do than her sister's (the tenderheaded one). Eventually, we loc'ed her hair as it was the way to keep it the strongest, thus safest. It made itself stronger through loc-ing it. It is a commitment, it is work to care for it properly. It is not the easy way out at all. We get some disapproval here and there, but I just shrug as they don't know our situation.....we would get disapproval if she walked around w/ dime sized chunks missing too,don't ya think? We go to the best natural hair salon in our town and I trust S's advice. <BR/><BR/>So, I in no way want to offend anyone or anyone to think I am stealing a choice from my child. We hope we are saving her hair in many ways. When she is older and can deal with her health issues and her hair as well, she can make the decision (and yes, I know how you have to change styles from Loc's by cutting them off) to grow out again. In the meantime, we will stay loc'd because THIS way she can put in ribbons and ponytails and hairbands and all the girly accessory things she loves. She too feels like her hair flows now, and it does because it is finally strong enough to withstand her pulling and the meds both. <BR/><BR/>I just wanted to throw this out, to say that you never know, just by looking at a white mom, what struggles she might have gone through to make such a big decision. Hair, it's a big darn deal and we do hair all the time. My other daughter, she is getting used to the time committment of conditioning and taking care of her hair, but she is still, at ten, super super tenderheaded and I suspect she always will be! Her hair is just natural, no locs, no perms, but the usual braids, twists, ponytails etc. I do her hair. <BR/><BR/>Anyhow, I know, some might not approve. I do understand that. But, well, these are the special circumstances and it was our best call, after years and years of working around it. <BR/>Thanks! Mcoffeemomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12332220347018136072noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164586283261437549.post-4215661048764282982009-02-10T19:58:00.000-05:002009-02-10T19:58:00.000-05:00I don't know who the hair care for boys question w...I don't know who the hair care for boys question was directed to, but I've reared a boy. Boys tend to want to look like boys whether they have curly or coarse hair when they become old enough to know the difference. I would recommend keeping it well groomed and cut. Find a good barber.<BR/><BR/>If it's more curly than coarse, you cant razor cut only unless you're going to cut it to the scalp. The razor won't give an even cut with curly hair. You will have to even it out with a scissor clip. Boys will require maintenence of their hairline because the nap may continue to grow along the neck. The key is find a good barber. One who is patient with children. <BR/><BR/><BR/>I didn't want to limit hair issues to AA's. We all have different rationales for our hair delimmas, but the same sentiments are true among Pan-Africans worldwide. Africa and South America have many beauty salons too; our hair is big business.<BR/><BR/>Another thing, hair is considered a symbol of social status among modern black women. If you don't believe me, wait until your little ones become teenagers. Welcome to our world!Angelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13930188733009906167noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164586283261437549.post-24069458961352959052009-02-10T19:50:00.000-05:002009-02-10T19:50:00.000-05:00Oh wow! This is a fantastic post and I am loving ...Oh wow! This is a fantastic post and I am loving all the comments as well!<BR/><BR/>More more more...filolihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07629999858697015109noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164586283261437549.post-45886042993503638072009-02-10T16:36:00.000-05:002009-02-10T16:36:00.000-05:00Please don't give up on educating caucasian adopti...Please don't give up on educating caucasian adoptive parents because of your irritation at some people not being accepting of it. If you truely care about these children you will continue to try to educate people. Just as it is about the children when it comes to our choices of hairstyle for them, it is also for the children that you are educating us.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164586283261437549.post-2431935047589884142009-02-10T15:26:00.000-05:002009-02-10T15:26:00.000-05:00I am almost certain I will be bringing home a son....I am almost certain I will be bringing home a son. Do you have suggestions with regard to websites for advice? So many of the wonderful sites I have seen linked really only address little girl's hair. So much advice assumes gender female. Hair doesn't seem to be as huge a thing to males but I want to lovingly care for his hair. Are there any cultural resources that specifically address male hair?Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09490100165384489613noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164586283261437549.post-17273654662002273802009-02-10T14:51:00.000-05:002009-02-10T14:51:00.000-05:00I can personally attest that black girls have issu...I can personally attest that black girls have issues regarding hair. We're passed down different textures depending on our lineage. Our culture has historically used hair and complexion as a dividing factor within our own race as AAs. <BR/><BR/>This explains why decisions to loc, go natural, press, relax, and etc., are such personal or political statements. <BR/><BR/>Some APs may not understand the complexity of hair and complexion, and how it's been historically exploited among our own race of people. Since this is black history month, I must add this traces back to slavery and occurances of our women bearing some children who were given preferiential treatment as house servants, were taught skills, or educated based on an uncanny resemblence to master himself. <BR/><BR/>Putting history and political statements aside, may I offer some common sense from the daughter of a salon owner. Curly dry hair is more fragile and it takes much longer to undo damage and bad hair choices. Studies show our hair grows at the same rate as non-Africans, however, dryness tends to lead to breakage and shedding without proper maintenance and combing techniques. This is also why the decisions we make for our hair are very carefully considered. We are high-maintenance women. There's just not much getting around it. Going natural even requires constant attention, money for products, and professional attention. <BR/><BR/>Some older ET orphans face the trauma of having their heads shavened to control head lice transmission. Please allow these children to enjoy their hair whether straight or curly once they arrive here. Please attempt to find someone in the community to help.<BR/><BR/>If you can't relate, consider the trauma cancer patients experience after having their hair altered. Hair is such a beauty statement for all women. The bible says "hair is a woman's glory" and etc. Our little ET daughters are no less vain.Angelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13930188733009906167noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164586283261437549.post-40996666134213475402009-02-10T14:47:00.000-05:002009-02-10T14:47:00.000-05:00I re-read my comment, and if I sounded snitty, I a...I re-read my comment, and if I sounded snitty, I apologize. It was not my intent. I truely like your blog and this post. None of us make any decisions in a vacuum. I've found this to be especially true with the Adoptive Families and perhaps (but not necessarily) more so with transracial families. <BR/><BR/>With every learning opportunity, history, facts & opinions are learned; We integrate them into our experience and make the best decision we can, for the children and the families. Possibly more than any other "group" of parents, adoptive parents of different race children, are especially sensitive to the history, culture and neighbors reflection (judgment) on each decision made. Along this road, you may disagree with any or many decisions made. Please consider the option, that it was still the right decision for that family & child.Sha Zam-https://www.blogger.com/profile/11705917883828933628noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164586283261437549.post-51460591652158928442009-02-10T14:32:00.000-05:002009-02-10T14:32:00.000-05:00Great post, as usual. What bothers me about many ...Great post, as usual. What bothers me about many of the AP or PAPs is when we as Black women (of varying backgrounds) provide our pretty solid and sound advice garnered from years of life is not taken seriously. It is like my mother says "Do you want to hear what you want to hear or do you want to hear the truth?" Many just want to hear what they want to hear. I love the little comments...it's just hair it will grow back or other black people loc their children's hair (meaning so why can't I). These are comments said without really understanding the community in which the child comes from and will belong to...not just being their child. Not to mention "our" hair doesn't grow that fast! LOL It is bothering but if "we" stop providing sound advice then what happens to the kids? Maybe you will get tired (as I, Valarie, Tracey, and Trice have) but then someone else will pick up or maybe we will speak again but what we cannot do is stop speaking. Thanks for starting a great conversation.Tamihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15098095150932626218noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164586283261437549.post-35289432001768367922009-02-10T14:29:00.000-05:002009-02-10T14:29:00.000-05:00Robbin, I have had this discussion (as I mentioned...Robbin, <BR/>I have had this discussion (as I mentioned on the forum) many times with my friends. I appreciate your thoughts on the subject and would love to enter into further discussions on the site Valerie linked. <BR/><BR/>Point taken about waiting until your child can decide for him/her own self about locing their hair. I wonder though, at what age would making this decision for themselves be appropriate? As I mentioned (on the forum) my friend's sister has had locs for sometimes and she is only 12yrs. So, what would be an appropriate age? Teenager? Adult? or does it simply depend on the maturity level of your child and their understanding of what they are requesting? <BR/><BR/>Thanks for this postSprout's Househttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07916766359949853963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164586283261437549.post-50207170198581865842009-02-10T14:23:00.000-05:002009-02-10T14:23:00.000-05:00P.S. ignore the "profile pic" my DH added it accid...P.S. ignore the "profile pic" my DH added it accidentally and we need to remove it. The kids got into the powder! lolgo fishhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11211512688386025757noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164586283261437549.post-91005426893498445882009-02-10T14:20:00.000-05:002009-02-10T14:20:00.000-05:00I love this. I am a white parent to an Ethiopian ...I love this. I am a white parent to an Ethiopian daughter (congrats on your adoption journey, BTW!). I've always wondered about "locs" so thank you for clearing that up. I would love to "loc" her hair but I won't...I've always felt it needs to be HER choice. So thank you for validating that for me. <BR/><BR/>I'm learning to do my daughter's hair. I'm always open for suggestions/tips. So if you have any, please share! :) <BR/><BR/>BTW -- we adopted for so many reasons but please don't think we didn't take into consideration of what it would be like for oru daughter. Growing up in a "white" family. We did and we ultimately decided that growing up in a loving family (even if we're white) would be much better than her growing up in an orphanage. We can't imagine our lives without her. <BR/><BR/>I would love to "chat" via email if you get some time. Thanks! <BR/><BR/>2C's for Mego fishhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11211512688386025757noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164586283261437549.post-68452646469392389052009-02-10T13:49:00.000-05:002009-02-10T13:49:00.000-05:00Thanks so much, Valerie. I'll stop by later. (In t...Thanks so much, Valerie. I'll stop by later. (In the meanwhile, i guess i should really do some, um, work...the kind I get paid for, that is :))Juliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02945385659698659077noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164586283261437549.post-64503235979979126882009-02-10T13:26:00.000-05:002009-02-10T13:26:00.000-05:00By all means Valarie!! Thanks for opening up the f...By all means Valarie!! Thanks for opening up the floor. This post was linked to CHSFS's forum and they share some interesting perspectives and cross links as well.<BR/><BR/>http://www.websitetoolbox.com/tool/post/chsfsforums/vpost?id=3291239<BR/><BR/>Interesting stuff I must say.<BR/><BR/>Also I suppose I should have said African American, good point Trice!<BR/><BR/>RobbinRobbin Hopkinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05955974399106425304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164586283261437549.post-54046336099185858052009-02-10T13:23:00.001-05:002009-02-10T13:23:00.001-05:00Julia it is the isolation that comes with feeling ...Julia it is the isolation that comes with feeling so DIFFERENT and not having people understand. It's not about a hairstyle, it is about where you find a fit.<BR/><BR/>I would love to have the open dialog. If you want to do that come over to Culturally Fluent families. If Robbin gives me the permission to post parts of her blog entry.<BR/><BR/>http://groups.yahoo.com/group/culturallyfluentfamilies/<b>VALARIE</b>https://www.blogger.com/profile/13712263753769092903noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7164586283261437549.post-27817320467849099972009-02-10T13:23:00.000-05:002009-02-10T13:23:00.000-05:00Julia it is the isolation that comes with feeling ...Julia it is the isolation that comes with feeling so DIFFERENT and not having people understand. It's not about a hairstyle, it is about where you find a fit.<BR/><BR/>I would love to have the open dialog. If you want to do that come over to Culturally Fluent families. If Robbin gives me the permission to post parts of her blog entry.<BR/><BR/>http://groups.yahoo.com/group/culturallyfluentfamilies/<b>VALARIE</b>https://www.blogger.com/profile/13712263753769092903noreply@blogger.com