Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Off to the BAR!

Now come on guys!!!! STILL ME!


Not Today....

I will wait on the Lord Because his timing IS perfect.

Remember him? Well maybe you can appreciate it now!

I am okay ya'll. If I had to pick between my timing and God's I would go for God's all the time. A Rolex that doesn't require a battery. I'm good!!!!

It's coming. Please listen and appreciate!

Monday, June 15, 2009


Tomorrow morning will be a culmination of things
Tomorrow morning, a judge will wake up in Addis Ababa Ethiopia and don the honorable Black Robe
Tomorrow morning an uncle will travel many hours to say goodbye forever to the daughter of his brother
Tomorrow morning an agent will plead my case
Tomorrow morning a mother in Heaven will rejoice
Tomorrow morning I will become a mother
Tomorrow morning will be a culmination of things

It is 11:39 a.m. in Addis Ababa Ethiopia. Just one day from now my life will change.
Winds of time will come together. 
Forces bigger than me. 
Forces out of my control...
Eternal forces 
Not my agency, not MOWA, not the judge, not the uncle, not me
A force greater than ALL of that.

86,400 Seconds
And I'll Be Counting EVERYONE!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Thanks guys!!!

Honestly, the expression I laughed I cried... (and I was in class tearing up!)  Just needed to say it.  BTW Tami... you know I got evicted off the island due to not making the income requirements of Island ownership.  But I'm fighting my way back! 

Thanks everyone!



I only have a week until court and my nerves are in the toilet

1.  Can I really do this
2. Will I even pass
3. Am I ready
4. Is it too late to turn back
5. Maybe I should wait until I'm married (ha)
6. Is my daughter healthy
7. How will I support us
8. Will I find a job
9. What the HELL was I thinking
10. Is her hair ever gonna grow 
11. Will she like me
12. Will I like her
13. Will I find a daycare
14.  How will I pay for it
15. Will this nursery ever get done
16. Does it even matter
17.  Is she spoiled
18. Will I spoil her
19. Is this the right thing for her
20. Is this the right thing for me
21. Am I insane
22. Will I travel alone
23.  How the hell will I pay for it
24.  Will I stay in a guest house
25.  Will I stay in a hotel
26.  Will these ff miles get me a first class ticket
27. Who will pay for it
28.  When will I tell this new job that I have to take time off
29.  Will I pass court the first time
30.  How will I feel
31.  When will I get excited
32.  Will Gladney be able to get me in the first travel group
33. How will I finish that last paper for school
34.  Why am I so sleepy
35.  How will I manage our routine
36. What kind of car will I get
37.  Will I even be able to get one
38.  How the hell am I ever gonna catch up on these bills
39.  Will I make enough to support us both
40. Will I cloth diaper
41.  Am I insane
42.  Will her weight pick up
43. Is she ok
44. Will I trust in the lord
45.  Will she be a fit
46.  Will I be a fit
47.  Will these psycho's on the Boards EVER get a clue
48. Will I ever get to work
49. Will I ever finish my work
50.  Will I be grumpy when I come home tired
51. Will she love me anyway
52. Is she happy
53.  Will I ever see a picture of her smiling
54. Will it just be the two of us
55. Will my family love her
56. Will I love her
57.  Will she love me
58. Is this insane
59.  Is it fair that I can "afford" to raise her and her birth family can't
60.  Will we visit Addis soon
61.  Will we live overseas
62.  Will I EVER lose weight or just be a fat mommy
63.  How will I teach her to be a good person and not a brat
64.  Will she be smart
65.  Will she ever grow into her big head
66. Will I ever grow into mine
67.  Will she live to serve mankind
68.  When will the fears go away
69.  When will I love her like my own
70.  Will she know me when she first sees me
71. Will she grow up and regret leaving Ethiopia
72. Will she have brothers and sisters
73. Will we leave Michigan
74.  How will I discipline her
75. How will I continue to teach her her culture
76. Will having a child make me less marketable
77. Is it to late to turn around
78. Does my friends think I'm crazy
79. Do I care
80. Will she put prints on my stark white sofa
81. Should I sale it
82. When will I travel
83. Am I going to be lonely 
84. Will she be a lonely only child or a bully
85. Am I as crazy as the ppl on Yahoo groups
86. Is my daughter stolen
87. Is there corruption in this adoption
88. Did I pick the right name for her
89. Why don't I ever use it
90. Does she look like me
91. Will people lie to me and say she does
92. Is this the right thing
93. Can I do this
94. Do I want to 
95. Is it to late
96. Will I pass court
97. Will I travel soon
98. When will I hold MY DAUGHTER
99.  Will ppl be offended by my thoughts
100. Do I give a DAMN

yep... that was me recording all my thoughts in 5 minutes!!! I am losing my mind and very very nervous!