Sunday, April 11, 2010

Potty Training

I made the decision that I would start potty training when Lulu started walking.  She started taking steps a few weeks ago at daycare but would never walk at home.  We finally caught her on video.  
So yes finally at 15 months, I have a walker.  Which means I have a pottier!!!  
I still think of Lulu as my little infant.  I have a hard time embracing that she is a toddler and yet she cracks me up EVERYDAY with her "big-girl ways".  So today we went to visit my sister who is recovering from surgery.  Although we know we should go more often :( we go at least once a week and always on Sunday.  While I am there if I have to change her diaper I change her on the guest bathroom floor.  Now let me say that Lulu is ALWAYS changed on her changing table at home.  We NEVER change anywhere else in the house.  It's just easier to do it where all the tools are.  So being changed on the floor is out of the norm.  

ANYWAY...we were chillin at my sister's house and she noticed Lulu was possibly pooping.  And a quick whiff of the room confirmed it.  So I tell Lulu to get me a diaper (jokingly) and she toddles over to the door near her diaper bag but then crawls off.  I say to my sister and Mom that if she gets her diaper she is getting potty trained TODAY.   Well she doesn't but guess what she does do...  She crawled down the hall and went into the bathroom.  AND LAID ON THE FLOOR.   I was completely dumbfounded!!!!  SHE IS READY!!!!! Listen if a kid can get a diaper, or go to the place where they are normally changed then they are ready to start potty training.  

See what happens in Black culture is you are PRESSURED into potty training.  Everyone's parents tell you that YOU were potty trained at like 11 months lol.  Clearly if you investigate the story you will find that you were probably 25 months old, but they will have you believe that you were much younger.  So you have everyone ask you... "is she potty training".  and EVERYONE is a professional, they can do it in just 3 hours or something ridiculous.   I don't share those aspirations lol.   

So here are my rules

1.  I am doing the potty training.  Not the childcare provider, not grandma, not the lady down the street.  ME!
2.  I am potty training on the weekends only.  I will not try to force her to use the potty during the 1 hour we get after I am off work and before she goes to bed
3.  I am setting a personal time goal.  I am not saying what that is.  But she is 15 months now....
4.  I am not using pull ups.  Nope, that's retarded.  (imho).  We are using panties.   She will feel it and so will I lol.
5.  We are increasing our sign language skills to ease into our communication of the language of potty
6.  This is not a competition... and I am not looking for a shortcut.
7.  We are using the potty chair for the purpose of potty training only but will be using the standard size toilet after this
8.  I use cloth diapers primarily at home and will continue to use them for the period of potty training.

And without further ado.....

I present, Lulu's first time peeing on the toilet.



Friday, April 9, 2010

The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

On November 19, 2008, after being on the wait list for over 4 months, I received the devestating news that Ethiopia was closing to singles in the future and at the very least they would limit the number of single parents allowed to adopt. I remember the feeling of hopelessness. I also remember the many stories of success that happened just because we all just stood on FAITH!!!!! Let me tell you the road was TOUGH!!!!! But I was stuck, I couldn't move. Even if I wanted to. I just had to stand still and let God move around me :)

Fast forward to April 1st, 2009. Still at a stand still not knowing what would happen, but still in good spirits (remember my April Fool's engagement post?) On this day, I would have been officially waiting for a referral for 9 months but on hold for 5 of those months. Watching others as they received MY referral, for MY baby. Anyway, I get this very random email from Gladney stating there would be a MANDATORY conference call from singles. THEN, I get a phone call asking if I received the email. Um Yeah. So I call all my single buddies and we synchronize our watches and I head to the restaurant with a "friend".

Sitting there with that really queasy feeling in my stomach I listen with a dropped jaw as Gladney announces they are RESUMING adoptions for singles and we would "fall back into place" on the official wait list. At this point I HUNG UP!!!! LOL. The call was clearly not over. I just HUNG UP. I tried to call my single buddies who clearly had NOT hung up. Then I walked out the resident, set on the curb, and started crying. I was BROKE! My job in real estate had come to a crashing halt, I had school issues, I mean I really had no way of moving forward. NO WAY!!! I was torn. Happy/ Sad. Happy because I wanted a baby; sad because I had no way to make it happen. DAMN.

Somehow I made it thru the dinner and flew home so that I could put on my forensic hat. I am definitely a forensic blogger, with complete adoption insight (one friend even calls me the adoption-whisperer lol). I stared at the unofficial list and had to say DAMN again. The average wait time is 8 months. I've been waiting for 9 months. WHAT THE HELL! I pulled out my contract to see what the bare minimum amount of money I would have to have (remember I was expecting to get the call in OCTOBER). I found a itty bitty conflict and was like "cool, I can pay half!". Hmmmmmm, I don't have half but at least that is half of what I don't have lol. I called all my adopting friends and then I called Arilee, my unofficial adoption consultant. And then I prayed.

Now around the same time my mother had liquidated a ton of investments because she lost so much money in the stock market and she asked me to take her to the credit union to reinvest the money. I did and I took that as the time to tell her that I was indeed back in the mix for a referral. Of course like most non-adopters, this meant NOTHING. It was over 15 months in this process and everyone was OVER IT! LOL. I went on about my business while trying to contain my uncertainty and GLEE. I told my friends. "NEXT THURSDAY" for me. Those that were not as CONNECTED... made their predictions, for me and for themselves. Catrina and I spent COUNTLESS hours on the phone OBSESSING!!!

Ok is the anticipation building lol.... 8 DAYS LATER.... on April 9th I left school came home and laid across my bed. The house was calm and I was alone. Just like I wanted it. I called Catrina and said "Today". and then I laid there in peace. At 3:52 p.m. my phone rang.

I picked up the phone and in true multitasking fashion, I managed to listen, open an email, email 11 ppl and text 3 ppl. All in ONE MINUTE!!!!!!

And then I wrote this:

me: April 9, 2009 3:57:35 PM EDT I'm getting a referral!

me: April 9, 2009 4:07:10 PM EDT I HAVE A DAUGHTER

me: April 9, 2009 4:08:11 PM


email back the number I can call you all on!


ME: i'm on the phone with Abbey I just sent the referral to you

Tami: Answer your damn phone! Call me! Send me pictures! Wtf?!!!!!!!!

me: i sent it!!!

Tami: Beeatch!!!!!! Answer the phone!!!!!!!! Cutie!!!!!!!!! OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG cutieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee piiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Me: I'm ON THE PHONE WITH ABBEY!!! literally she is talking I don't know what the fuck she is

saying lol!

Okay you get the picture right!

It went on for HOURS!!!!! This is what I saw:

I can not tell you that it was all happy praise. From me or from some others. This baby was so tiny, her head SOOOOO big. But after some real heart to heart conversations with those close to me and to God, I proceeded. With the help of a gift from my mom and some great gifts from friends (Thanks Celeste and Deb!), I proceeded forward.

It has been ONE YEAR since I first saw her face. And today I still never tire of seeing it!

A year ago today!

A year ago today I fell in love with an angel. It was such a long journey to get here but faith helped me make it thru. I have some pics to post but I'm away from my computer.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this baby.

More to post Later!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

My Soapbox Rant

I DO NOT HATE LOCS! not on grown ups and NOT on children.

I feel it is necessary for me to make this declaration after having a pissing match with a woman about my "disgust" with locing children's hair.
Here are my thoughts:

1. Loc because you want to. But KNOW it is time intensive and requires a LOT of maintenance
2. Yes it's sexist but I don't mind boys because they can cut their hair off (without trying to UnLOC) and gone about their business
3. I HATE HATE HATE, the idea that you are locing the hair because it will be easier to manage. Locing will NOT save you from hours of caring for your daughters hair. If you don't want to comb it DO NOT loc for this reason. Just don't. In a nutshell (and I can say this cause it's my blog)... it's triflin'. If you don't know what I mean GOOGLE it.

Last week I was accused of blog bashing for a little boy that is locing his hair and now this week I received a 10 minute lashing about my misplaced feelings or rather as it was stated my "disgust" of locs.

I present for you exhibit #1

Exhibit #2....

Remember my lovely friend that traveled to Africa with me. The photographer? Well she was my FREAKIN LOCTICIAN!!!!! Do you even know what that is? Oh wait I forgot you plan on locing the child's hair yourself.

Exhibit #3 my very lovely and SUPERTRENDY little cousin Justyce sporting expertly styled LOCs!!!!!

Exhibit # 4 and her mother -- also a loc wearer

See again, my theory is that NO ONE --- or rather no Black ONE would ever loc a young child's hair (I'm speaking pre-k or younger) unless the child clearly requested it or UNLESS they themselves were loc wearers or come from a loc wearing family

Exhibit #6

my OWN loc wearing family

so if I decide to go back to wearing locs and THEN decide to loc my daughters hair, I would then fit the EXCEPTION
I love 'locs' deplore the term 'dreads' unless you actually have DREADs. Because as we say in loc world... "ain't nothin dreadful about it"

Consequently, my gripe is this. If you don't comb your child's hair at all... (we are speaking daughter here) and then you say, "I'll loc, cause its easier... then taking the time to care for my child's hair." Or it's cheaper. Then, I have a problem with that logic. If I can be honest, and not step on any one's toes in the process consider this: loc wearing IS NOT for the faint at heart. It is NOT embraced in African American culture mainstream. Even with the help of good old Lil Wayne and Lauren Hill and Erykah Badu oh and India Arie and Whoopi.... it still stands out and makes you just a little different. That's all good! I did it. For aesthetic purposes only. I just liked the way it look. But the work was GRUELING. I was in the salon sometimes twice a month, I couldn't wash my own hair because it was a lot to drying and remoisterizing it and I was terrible at styling it. News Flash: I am terrible at styling Lulu's hair. I try products based on recommendations, I dump products out. I go thru ALL of the same hardships a white mom with a black child would go thru. Now here is the difference. I'm BLACK!!! and EVERYWHERE... I mean EVERYWHERE I go I'm around some Black 'folks'. I get called to the mat about her hair. Do this, don't do that. Try this. Hell at the daycare they will even completely change her hair! Yep. It IS our culture.

If you went to Ethiopia, did you really see anyone with locs? Jamaica maybe.... but how many did you see in ET? Thank God for Madame CJ Walker. She invented the straightening comb, and shortly after somebody put LYE in a jar and Malcolm Little got some conk and had waves... you know the story (before he was Malcolm X of course).

See in our community we are proud of our hair. We don't get it done, we get it "DID"..... Frequently. And wash it infrequently. But we keep it coifed!

So to say that I don't like locs is not a truthful statement. I LOVE THEM.... But I must say I cringe when I see a family with NO Black "friends" in any of their Facebook pictures, and the only black's in the photos are the kids... wearing HOME LOC'ed HAIR..... Are you kidding me.
three strikes.... really.
So if I've pissed you off SORRY. But it just needed to be said.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Where does the time go?

Hello blog world!!!!!  We are still here.  Just wanted to take a second to write a quick post.   I am starting work on Monday....YAY MOMMY!!!! And so to ease the transition, Ms. Lu started daycare this week (on Monday).  I really like the daycare but apparently I am the only one.  Lulu was not pleased and has been very stubborn at daycare.  She will barely eat and won't nap AT ALL.  So she falls right to sleep as soon as she gets in the car at FIVE o'clock.   Not a good thing for Mommy.   I wake her butt right up and make her stay up as long as possible at home and then she is usually out for the night (sometimes as early as 6:45).  Hopefully as she gets more comfortable she will start napping.  So today being Saturday, I am doing laundry (5 loads) and folding and cleaning and menu planning for next week and like clockwork she went down for a nap at 10:15!   I don't know what they are doing to my poor baby but they better stop or Big Momma (that's me lol) is gonna get them!  Her disposition is better aside from the mean streak.  She is playing independently more today.  Yay!!!!

I hope to upload my cameras later today and I will put some pics on Lulu's blog!



Sunday, January 24, 2010

Lulu Learned to climb the stairs!

They say jealousy breeds competition.   I live in a ranch style house so Lulu never really sees stairs, but my friend Mai announced that her 10 month old was climbing the stairs and I thought to myself... "self, you better get your 13 month old on that"... Although my little angel was delayed in her gross motor skills when she came home, she is quickly moving on up the ladder!  Besides walking (which she ain't doing!) she has politely tested out of her age group for everything.  So now my little genius... um hmm... has figured out the art of stair climbing on her first go round at Granny's house.   There has been some editing to this video: I tried to take the fat person in the hat (me) out and also though it looks like she is falling backwards she isn't just at the end; but besides that this is true finesse and skills!!!  Of course my family is hyping her up and pushing her to the finish line.   Act impressed... I'm a first time mom!!! LOL.... Oh yeah I added some nice CBR music to describe my daughter turning into the beautiful butterfly that she is becoming :)  (corny I know... but who cares!)

Honestly I can't believe how awesome her "normal" is.   



Wednesday, January 20, 2010


I just went thru and updated my African American Mom's blog list.  Nearly all of us are home or close to it!!!  Take some time and visit the ladies.  Some have abandoned their blogs for Facebook... hmm hmm.... LOL.  But I love you guys.  And for those still working at it.... here's a little sweetness to motivate you!

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Hey I'm over here!

Lulu Happenings

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?

Become a Mommy

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don't even remember what they were but pretty sure I failed!!!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Birth -- No .... Adoptions?  YES!!!  Valarie, Catrina, Rayshell, Sylvia and some very "pregnant 

with anticipation" others!

*correction!!!! My friend Mai gave birth to Bean!  Bryce Arrington!!! Sorry future son in law!

4. Did anyone close to you die?


5. What places did you visit?

Dubai, Ethiopia, New York, 

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

Lack of procrastination, financial responsibility and organization!

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory?

April 1st -- found out that singles could adopt, April 9th -- saw Lulu for the first time July 3rd -- passed court, August 31 -- First met Lulu!!!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

My adoption

9. What was your biggest failure?

Employment issues, school issues

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?


11. What was the best thing you bought?

Nothing!!! I was so broke!

12. Where did most of your money go?

Food, credit cards

13. What did you get really, really, really excited about?


14. What song will always remind you of 2009?

Definitely I’m Yours, by Jason Mraz -- the adoption mantra!

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? happier

b) thinner or fatter? fatter…

c) richer or poorer? Poorer

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Cooking, exercising, meditating, praying, laughing, drinking!

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?

worrying, stressing, crying

18. How did you spend your summer holidays?

Holiday??? LOL

19. Did you fall in love in 2009?

Yes!!! With Lulu

20. How many one-night stands?


21. What was your favorite TV program?

Modern Family, People's Court

22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

No Hate.... some strong dislikes!  LOL

23. What was the best book you read?

The Kite Runner

24. What was your greatest musical discovery?

You Tube Videos

25. What did you want and get?


26. What did you want and not get?


27. What was your favorite film of this year?

The Kite Runner, Cadillac Records

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Not much... 35

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?


30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

If its still clean I can wear it again

31. What kept you sane?

My blog friends and my cybersisters!

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Idris Elba... Kwame Kilpatrick

33. Whose behaviour appalled you?


34. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.

Do not take anything for granted.   You are not promised anything and it can all go away without warning.  

So much fun!!!! I borrowed this from another blogger.  Helps put the RESOLUTIONS in perspective.

Live, Love, Hope, Pray, Believe, Care, Exercise, Work, Dream and DRINK!!!!



Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Blogging into the future

I started blogging to get me thru this maze called adoption and it has proved to be a very fruitful journey!  I love blogging.  And I love my blog friends. I love what this blog has represented for me.   I started this journey alone and now I have gained friends, family and my wonderful daughter.  

I am very blessed and I want to keep blogging but more about Lulu and my relationship and the trials of being a single mother instead of being a single woman trying to adopt a child.  I hope that you all will visit us on our new site.  100percentlulu.

I'm not sure what the topics will be but I want want to keep blogging!!!!

See you soon!


Thursday, November 26, 2009


Today is Thanksgiving.   I have so much to say.   Last year on November 19th, 2008, I was told by my agency that Single Parent Adoptions were going to be limited if not stopped all together.  Gladney was going to try to push thru 10 women and I was number 12 on that list!   I mean I was just sickened.  Completely.   This "thing" that I wanted was so close but continued to remain so far away.  I started this process in Feb of 2008 and had been on the wait list since July of 2008.  At this time I had been waiting 4 of an estimated 8 months for my referral.   HALF WAY THERE!!!  If on target I could possibly meet my little baby sometime around March.  Now with the new limitation I was told that I MAY be able to continue the process in October of 09 while some of my friends would have to wait until October 2010 or October 2011

I remember the hysteria around that time.  I remember the feeling of hopelessness, incompleteness and overall sadness.   I remember all of the very kind words from strangers.  I saw so many people searching for a situation and I became a sort of guru of information about who, what, when and where you could go to possibly still be accepted into the ever closing window.  I made my decision immediately.  I would be still and wait until I could hear the voice of God.   I stated very matter of factly to others that despite having other options (domestic) I would stand still until March or April.  And then I would decide.  I spoke to many friends who could not see any good coming out of waiting.  But I didn't have ONE DIME to move to another agency and more than half of my fees had been paid.   I just had to wait.  

On April 1, 2009, I received a call from agency saying we would have a conference call for singles only.  On April 2nd I was told that single parent adoption would be resumed and I was NUMBER 2 on the list waiting for a referral!!!!!! 

And on April 9th I met Lulako Daniso!!

So much fear so much anxiety... but the first glimpse of my beautiful daughter (beautiful now but I wasn't so sure then!)

A lot had to happen to make this a reality.  And for each and EVERY step I am so VERY THANKFUL!!!!!!!

  • For the extended wait time... so that I could be matched to THIS little girl
  • For the many friends that understood because they were going thru the same thing
  • For the family that supported me
  • For God for having vision over my life 
"They" said it couldn't happen.  But IT DID.  

I am praying today for Celeste  who is still waiting for her girls and for Tami who is still waiting to see her girl.  


Girls last year was bad...  but this year we are full of thanks and praise!

**** sorry for the late post!!!!


Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Wordless Wednesday Almost!

Come on ppl, I can only work with professionals!  

Monday, November 16, 2009

Lulu's at it again

She apparently doesn't appreciate her Mom's creativity.  See for your self.

Well I had fun!!!!!

Lulu and her Aunt and namesake Rose! (and a little photoshopping by Mom!)

Thursday, November 12, 2009

photo shoot

Me and Lulu did an impromptu photo shoot a few weeks back and I just got the proofs.   I called myself photoshopping them before the pro's did their thing, and my friend Arilee brought me back to reality.  Better keep my day job ... oh wait I don't have one LOL.   Anyway here is some of the pics!


Sunday, November 8, 2009

Friday, November 6, 2009


I am cheating.... I'm going out tonight and Lulu is having her first sleep over with grandma!!!!  But please check out her blog to see what she's been doing....

*** congrats Cristina!!!!!!



Thursday, November 5, 2009


Today has been a hard day.  today I had to face accusations about myself that were not true but there was no real defense.  Sometimes things are done in haste or in error and it can be a very costly mistake to live with.  What surprised me is that I looked over at my angel baby and I knew what mattered most.   I am leaning on the faith that I talk to my friends about.  If not faith, Lord please give me some FAVOR.

That's my post.   Sorry there isn't more to be said :(

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Birthday Thoughts

In one month Lulu will celebrate her FIRST birthday!!!!!!!  She just has too much stuff already!!!!   So instead of getting gifts, Lulu is going to give them.  Yesterday, I posted our link to clean:water.  It is an awesome organization.  In lieu of gifts, donations are made to clean:water on Lulu's behalf and it is spent to build wells in underprivileged areas.  

Surprisingly, I've met some opposition to this proposal.   Whenever I share with others that Lulu will not be having the traditional first birthday party, I am often given great "cost saving" ideals that would enable me to give her a party.  I've been told that I could give her a party and ask for money instead of gifts -- which to me is like having a wedding and asking for money  (to avoid a huge discussion about that, I will just say that's not my thing); one suggested I go to "the dollar store" and just at least decorate.   I'm not sure what would be the point of spending money when even $20.00 makes a huge difference in a project like this.  Lulu will have a cake event.   Cake, maybe ice cream (a signature drink for her Mom :).  We will take pictures and I'm sure the Grandma's and aunts will come, but we won't do any party favors, or invites, or anything like that.   I don't think that Lulu will remember much.  I believe that special days are important.  I pray that she will certainly have many special days.   I just want them to be special for her!  

More than anything, I know Lulu has all that she needs at this time.   I am blessed to have Lulu but it is because her birth parents did not have all they needed such as medicine and clean water that she is with us today.   Her mother died because of that lack of clean water.  I am mindful of that DAILY!!!  This matters to me, it matters to us and it matters to them.   Giving is not a requirement, I only want people to do what they want to do.  But I really ain't interested in the naysayers :(   

On another note, my sister had a Meet and Greet this weekend for Scotland Rose :)  


Monday, November 2, 2009

Sunday, November 1, 2009

National Blog Posting Month

I tried this last year too!!!   But really, with FB its so hard to Blog.  Darn!   I'm gonna try though....

Please if you are still out there.  SAY SOMETHING!!!!   Lulu said she's going to post on her blog too!

Ok anyway.....

Yesterday was Halloween.  We had an absolutely great time!  We had a really long day.  First my sister had  a meet and greet  with her friends (I think we got some pics somewhere).  And then we had a party and Lulu was a bumble bee.  

Here she is with Uncle Charles, cousin Chelsey and Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


Tuesday, September 8, 2009


I'm here really!!!   I know its been an awful long time.   So much has happened.   I traveled with my two girlfriends to Ethiopia and picked up my little baby.  My insurance company refused to cover her and I finished school and have no job!   Well I could still sell real estate, so I kind of a job but not it is very very scary!!!!!  I want to blog my trip but I am exhausted!!!!   

I know I owe some of you updates.  I am working on it I promise.  Also, I will be posting about all things Lulu, on her blog   Now don't rush over there because there is nothing to see!!! But I am on it.  Really... just as soon as I get some sleep.   I am TIRED.

Lulu is the bomb and my family is completely enamored.  I love her dearly but this is a lot of work... I got some adjusting to do.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

100 Things

  1. food
  2. water
  3. clean water
  4. cell phone
  5. internet
  6. clean clothes
  7. toothpaste
  8. money
  9. car
  10. heat
  11. gas
  12. love
  13. friends
  14. strawberry smoothies
  15. hummus
  16. TV
  17. health
  18. a good bra
  19. pedicure
  20. smiles from passing strangers
  21. My God Children
  22. Lye -- as in the kind you perm your hair with :)
  23. Sonya -- my beautician to surgically apply the lye
  24. OB Tampons
  25. frequent flyer miles
  26. Toms Toothpaste
  27. Deodorant
  28. God
  29. Music
  30. My Mac
  31. 4 inch heels
  32. Remote 
  33. My Mom
  34. Navigation
  35. Yellow Legal Pads
  36. Sex
  37. Eye glasses
  38. Instant Messenger
  39. White Gap T-shirts
  40. Green well worn head scarf
  41. Peoples Court
  42. Good Books
  43. Butter
  44. My brother
  45. Camera
  46. Education
  47. Bible
  48. Travel
  49. Meditation
  50. Orange kool-aid with Lemon juice
  51. Thongs
  52. Two pillows
  53. Toilet paper
  54. Birth Control Pills
  55. Merlot
  56. Hell - Any Alcohol!
  57. Vision
  58. 400 thread count
  59. Freedom
  60. Google
  61. My reputation
  62. Dajuan
  63. Refrigeration
  64. Furnace
  65. Fan
  66. Power
  67. Stimulation conversation
  68. Sunglasses
  69. Fresh flowers
  70. Blogger
  71. Conscience
  72. Youtube
  73. Common Sense
  74. Fruit
  75. Clean Water
  76. Shower
  77. Facebook
  78. Lulako
  79. My Dad
  80. People Magazine
  81. Pictures
  82. A good mattress
  83. Blood
  84. Insurance
  85. Atlas
  86. Perfume
  87. Good will
  88. Rosemary
  89. Love
  90. Family
  91. Martini
  92. Peace of Mind
  93. All 4 seasons
  94. The laughter of children
  95. clean water
  96. My fellow PAP's
  97. Eyebrow Arch
  98. Clean water
  99. Humanitarian spirit
  100. Clean water
Imagine 100 things that you CAN NOT LIVE with out

Now imagine living without ANY of them!

100 Things.... 
can you give 100  -- little/ inexpensive/ insignificant to you  -- things --- 
to someone that doesn't have those things that I can't live without?

I have a daughter in Africa.  I am going to get her in a month.  I am collecting 100 THINGS.... I have lofty goal set to get my baby.  Failure is not an option.  Because at 6 months she has lost more than I will every gain....

100% is the only options.....

More to Follow!



BTW.... check this out...

Friday, July 3, 2009



Although this picture is a not the most current pic, its one of my favorites. Its like she is saying.... "um yeah... whatever!"

Yes I passed court. Sorry for the cryptic message in the last post. I felt it was important to post that because I had been working on it but I never finished it. But I wanted everyone to know my Babycakes is headed to the US of A!



Thursday, July 2, 2009

Faith not Fear

This post was previously written on 6/19/09 but I never finished it

So ya'll know I'm very kool, kalm and kollective right? WRONG... Last week I completely lost it!!!!

See what had happened was .....

I was blessed with this video from Amy E from her travels in early May, and i could never open it. So out of the blue one night Amy gets it fixed up and sends it to me. Now ya'll should know that Catrina is a video maniac and has been waiting on Lulu's video since way before she got her own referral. So any way I open of the video...1 minute and like 3 seconds....and I am completely torn. I mean is this my baby... can this be my daughter? She is so tiny, so helpless. Is she sick... is she OKAY????? I mean Lulu was VERY tiny when I got her referral and she is growing SOOOOOO slowly.

All the thoughts that run thru your head... its just overwhelming. I'm talking 5 days before court and am I really RECONSIDERING!!! SECOND GUESSING!!!! or God forbid REGRETTING?!?!?!?!?!

Can I take care of a sick baby?

Man, i just did not want to think about this. So I just got really really quiet. I think that EVERY parent worries about the health of their baby. Regardless if you give birth to a child or if you adopt a child, the fear of the unknown is VERY great. The problem is this. There are a ton of birth parents that discuss these fears. With their family, their doctor, their friends -- a therapist). They do extra test and obsess over the ultrasounds, they prepare a special diet and stay out of the way of smokers. But adoptive parents, we don't have the luxury of taking all of these precautions. We don't have the luxury of holding our little one and and assessing all the fingers and all the toes. This is obviously the first thing that a mother does after birth (not like she can send Baby back...). We require the same reassurances. So we rely on the monthly reports, the pictures, and the short 1 minute videos. And we assess. I'm telling you... I was not pleased with what I was seeing. I was terrified actually.

Added on 7/02/09

Enter my partner in crime Celeste  . So I reluctantly sent the video to Celeste (not Catrina, she's too perky lol). And Celeste instantly heightened my fears. Celeste and I have made this journey from the beginning and we have had some real heart to heart talks, so we know each others breaking point.

Well to make a long story short, after me and Celeste acted like complete maniacs, enter Valarie.....who traveled across the world to check on my little Lulu!!!

Say Hello to Lulako

Now Riddle me this...........

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Off to the BAR!

Now come on guys!!!! STILL ME!


Not Today....

I will wait on the Lord Because his timing IS perfect.

Remember him? Well maybe you can appreciate it now!

I am okay ya'll. If I had to pick between my timing and God's I would go for God's all the time. A Rolex that doesn't require a battery. I'm good!!!!

It's coming. Please listen and appreciate!

Monday, June 15, 2009


Tomorrow morning will be a culmination of things
Tomorrow morning, a judge will wake up in Addis Ababa Ethiopia and don the honorable Black Robe
Tomorrow morning an uncle will travel many hours to say goodbye forever to the daughter of his brother
Tomorrow morning an agent will plead my case
Tomorrow morning a mother in Heaven will rejoice
Tomorrow morning I will become a mother
Tomorrow morning will be a culmination of things

It is 11:39 a.m. in Addis Ababa Ethiopia. Just one day from now my life will change.
Winds of time will come together. 
Forces bigger than me. 
Forces out of my control...
Eternal forces 
Not my agency, not MOWA, not the judge, not the uncle, not me
A force greater than ALL of that.

86,400 Seconds
And I'll Be Counting EVERYONE!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Thanks guys!!!

Honestly, the expression I laughed I cried... (and I was in class tearing up!)  Just needed to say it.  BTW Tami... you know I got evicted off the island due to not making the income requirements of Island ownership.  But I'm fighting my way back! 

Thanks everyone!



I only have a week until court and my nerves are in the toilet

1.  Can I really do this
2. Will I even pass
3. Am I ready
4. Is it too late to turn back
5. Maybe I should wait until I'm married (ha)
6. Is my daughter healthy
7. How will I support us
8. Will I find a job
9. What the HELL was I thinking
10. Is her hair ever gonna grow 
11. Will she like me
12. Will I like her
13. Will I find a daycare
14.  How will I pay for it
15. Will this nursery ever get done
16. Does it even matter
17.  Is she spoiled
18. Will I spoil her
19. Is this the right thing for her
20. Is this the right thing for me
21. Am I insane
22. Will I travel alone
23.  How the hell will I pay for it
24.  Will I stay in a guest house
25.  Will I stay in a hotel
26.  Will these ff miles get me a first class ticket
27. Who will pay for it
28.  When will I tell this new job that I have to take time off
29.  Will I pass court the first time
30.  How will I feel
31.  When will I get excited
32.  Will Gladney be able to get me in the first travel group
33. How will I finish that last paper for school
34.  Why am I so sleepy
35.  How will I manage our routine
36. What kind of car will I get
37.  Will I even be able to get one
38.  How the hell am I ever gonna catch up on these bills
39.  Will I make enough to support us both
40. Will I cloth diaper
41.  Am I insane
42.  Will her weight pick up
43. Is she ok
44. Will I trust in the lord
45.  Will she be a fit
46.  Will I be a fit
47.  Will these psycho's on the Boards EVER get a clue
48. Will I ever get to work
49. Will I ever finish my work
50.  Will I be grumpy when I come home tired
51. Will she love me anyway
52. Is she happy
53.  Will I ever see a picture of her smiling
54. Will it just be the two of us
55. Will my family love her
56. Will I love her
57.  Will she love me
58. Is this insane
59.  Is it fair that I can "afford" to raise her and her birth family can't
60.  Will we visit Addis soon
61.  Will we live overseas
62.  Will I EVER lose weight or just be a fat mommy
63.  How will I teach her to be a good person and not a brat
64.  Will she be smart
65.  Will she ever grow into her big head
66. Will I ever grow into mine
67.  Will she live to serve mankind
68.  When will the fears go away
69.  When will I love her like my own
70.  Will she know me when she first sees me
71. Will she grow up and regret leaving Ethiopia
72. Will she have brothers and sisters
73. Will we leave Michigan
74.  How will I discipline her
75. How will I continue to teach her her culture
76. Will having a child make me less marketable
77. Is it to late to turn around
78. Does my friends think I'm crazy
79. Do I care
80. Will she put prints on my stark white sofa
81. Should I sale it
82. When will I travel
83. Am I going to be lonely 
84. Will she be a lonely only child or a bully
85. Am I as crazy as the ppl on Yahoo groups
86. Is my daughter stolen
87. Is there corruption in this adoption
88. Did I pick the right name for her
89. Why don't I ever use it
90. Does she look like me
91. Will people lie to me and say she does
92. Is this the right thing
93. Can I do this
94. Do I want to 
95. Is it to late
96. Will I pass court
97. Will I travel soon
98. When will I hold MY DAUGHTER
99.  Will ppl be offended by my thoughts
100. Do I give a DAMN

yep... that was me recording all my thoughts in 5 minutes!!! I am losing my mind and very very nervous!

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Patiently Waiting!

Hey there!!! I'm still here.  And I do not have a court date yet.   I am actually patiently waiting because God is doing SO MUCH in my life right now that I am busy busy preparing to bring Babycakes home.   I am rejoicing for my dear friends that passed court!!!  Valarie and Ms. D!  I am praying for the strength of those that are just waiting and waiting and waiting... Jeanine, Celeste! I am excited for those with new little faces to look at Catrina and Haze!  I am hopeful for those preparing and waiting, Tami,  Trice, Rayshell and Cristina A.  I am in admiration of those that are building there families (way to many to name)!  But I am most overwhelmed by what a blessing this experience has been for me.  My life is out of control right now.  Complete utter chaos, and not in a good way!  But I know that the God CONTINUES to take control of the timing, the finances and the everyday victories that exist in my life!

Nope I am not anxious for a court date.  I already HAVE a date, but right now only GOD knows!!!


But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

NOW REALLY read it!

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

When times are hard it is SOOO tempting to try to find your own solution. I am struggling ya'll!!! And God continues to give me so many joys. He continues to make a way out of NOOOOOOOOO way!!! Why does he love me? Why does he remember me? Because I am his child. Because he will provide for me even when I have not been obedient. His love is the love that a parent has for a child, though they may discipline their child for being disobedient, they still continue to feed, clothe and love that child... Oh my Heavenly Father.... The greatest parent indeed!!!

This young man has a simple message to share!!! Please share it with him.

May you find the WAIT as an opportunity to build strength. Like a runner in training. Use this time to strengthen your faith and know that IT IS because HE said IT IS!



Monday, May 11, 2009

Life lessons

Honestly, I am here! Really... just a bad blogger. But this is so cute, so funny and just exemplifies parenting. So many life lessons.....

It reminds of this Cosby great memory..... (sorry couldn't upload it)

Could Rudy be any cuter? She couldn't even keep a straight face.

Oh how adorable those little faces are... our sweet little angels....

But eventually they do grow up!

Yep it will happen to all of us!!!! But there will surely be many life lessons and laughs along the way!



Tuesday, April 28, 2009


Enough Said