Wednesday, June 10, 2009


I only have a week until court and my nerves are in the toilet

1.  Can I really do this
2. Will I even pass
3. Am I ready
4. Is it too late to turn back
5. Maybe I should wait until I'm married (ha)
6. Is my daughter healthy
7. How will I support us
8. Will I find a job
9. What the HELL was I thinking
10. Is her hair ever gonna grow 
11. Will she like me
12. Will I like her
13. Will I find a daycare
14.  How will I pay for it
15. Will this nursery ever get done
16. Does it even matter
17.  Is she spoiled
18. Will I spoil her
19. Is this the right thing for her
20. Is this the right thing for me
21. Am I insane
22. Will I travel alone
23.  How the hell will I pay for it
24.  Will I stay in a guest house
25.  Will I stay in a hotel
26.  Will these ff miles get me a first class ticket
27. Who will pay for it
28.  When will I tell this new job that I have to take time off
29.  Will I pass court the first time
30.  How will I feel
31.  When will I get excited
32.  Will Gladney be able to get me in the first travel group
33. How will I finish that last paper for school
34.  Why am I so sleepy
35.  How will I manage our routine
36. What kind of car will I get
37.  Will I even be able to get one
38.  How the hell am I ever gonna catch up on these bills
39.  Will I make enough to support us both
40. Will I cloth diaper
41.  Am I insane
42.  Will her weight pick up
43. Is she ok
44. Will I trust in the lord
45.  Will she be a fit
46.  Will I be a fit
47.  Will these psycho's on the Boards EVER get a clue
48. Will I ever get to work
49. Will I ever finish my work
50.  Will I be grumpy when I come home tired
51. Will she love me anyway
52. Is she happy
53.  Will I ever see a picture of her smiling
54. Will it just be the two of us
55. Will my family love her
56. Will I love her
57.  Will she love me
58. Is this insane
59.  Is it fair that I can "afford" to raise her and her birth family can't
60.  Will we visit Addis soon
61.  Will we live overseas
62.  Will I EVER lose weight or just be a fat mommy
63.  How will I teach her to be a good person and not a brat
64.  Will she be smart
65.  Will she ever grow into her big head
66. Will I ever grow into mine
67.  Will she live to serve mankind
68.  When will the fears go away
69.  When will I love her like my own
70.  Will she know me when she first sees me
71. Will she grow up and regret leaving Ethiopia
72. Will she have brothers and sisters
73. Will we leave Michigan
74.  How will I discipline her
75. How will I continue to teach her her culture
76. Will having a child make me less marketable
77. Is it to late to turn around
78. Does my friends think I'm crazy
79. Do I care
80. Will she put prints on my stark white sofa
81. Should I sale it
82. When will I travel
83. Am I going to be lonely 
84. Will she be a lonely only child or a bully
85. Am I as crazy as the ppl on Yahoo groups
86. Is my daughter stolen
87. Is there corruption in this adoption
88. Did I pick the right name for her
89. Why don't I ever use it
90. Does she look like me
91. Will people lie to me and say she does
92. Is this the right thing
93. Can I do this
94. Do I want to 
95. Is it to late
96. Will I pass court
97. Will I travel soon
98. When will I hold MY DAUGHTER
99.  Will ppl be offended by my thoughts
100. Do I give a DAMN

yep... that was me recording all my thoughts in 5 minutes!!! I am losing my mind and very very nervous!


  1. Oh Robbin, I think I have had every single one of these thoughts. Someone gave me a baby bjorn on the weekend, and when I tried it on I had a full blown panic attack.. what am I doing? am I crazy? Just keep breathing girl, once you hold your daughter in your arms all of those doubts will disappear.
    Congratulations on getting your court date so quickly, I am really happy for you. I can't wait to see photos posted from your trip of you and beautiful new baby.

    Hang in there :)

  2. Robbin,
    I think that we all have these thoughts but many of us may not post them! You are honest and all of those questions are reality. You will be fine and you will be a great mom. When it is your season, everything will fall into place and it will be sweet. I think you are having your nervous, anxiety labor pains right now, as we all do when things come close. It become reality. Look how long you have waited for this. Just keep trusting and know that when everything falls into place it is the time that He wanted you to have her. Continue to be prayerful and trust and know that things will be fine and continue to work on anything that is in your control to fix or make better so that when your daughter comes home you will be at peace with less on your plate.

  3. You will be fine!! She will be fine!!! You just have to jump into the deep end of the pool on this one chica. Hoping for a first time pass.

    Thinking of You,

  4. Oh Robbin,

    You've made me laugh and cry this morning. I find my self struggling with the same thoughts daily. I want to play it safe. To make sure everything is perfectly executed, make sure everything is just right.

    You know what, life keeps happening and it won't stop because I've decided to adopt a child. There's no perfect timing, no perfect moment.

    Like the old Nike slogan, parents "Just Do It". I did it as a young single mom with my J, and he doesn't know the difference. He actually thought I was a good mom and felt secure with me rearing him despite I was worried how both of us would turn out half the time. Now that I'm older I wanted this to be different I assume.

    Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, for posting this. Things don't have to be perfect in our lives to bring a child to a place of love and family. Thank you, Thank you, again.

    I'm sick of that "paper chase" over by my name. I'm gonna "Just Do It". If I don't reach the big goals in life, I've blessed lives of God's children. My reward will be in heaven.

  5. You can do it - and she will love you! And you'll question all of this again and again. Welcome to parenthood! :-)

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  7. Hey with all of my rambling, I forgot to tell you you're going to be fine. Remember:

    Only Good Conscientious Moms Worry!!

  8. When they put her in your arms and you look in her eyes that will be it....Perfection

  9. Peace will come to all of these. You'll be gr8 together.

  10. You are so funny and honest - I love it!! You will get through this and it will ALL be fine :)

    Can't wait to hear about everything!

  11. will be fine. I'm sure your honesty will cause many people to do just what you have done at some point, it really made me think and but some perspective. All is good on Robbin's island!

  12. I don't comment often, but I sympathize with all your worries and questions. I promise, most will be answered in God's time and I will pray for mental peace and contentment. You're almost there!!! Blessings xoxo

  13. wow, did this post ever hit home! i love that you are so upfront about everything cause every blog i read seems to be by people who can't get their child home soon enough and where everything seems just perfect--their thoughts, their jobs, their husbands, their careers, their financial situations... and on and on and on... and it makes me second guess my decision all the time!!!

    but i keep telling myself that it will all work out in the end, that all the stress and worrying and confusion will work itself out, that when my daughter is home i will wonder why i ever had doubts in the first place.

    obviously we went into this with a (semi) clear head and although some things may have changed along the way our hearts are in the right place and everything will turn out to be ok. (or at least that what i am telling myself!!)

    good luck on court and the job situation and dating and the nursery and all that jazz! soon we will be home with our children living our new lives, our new normal.. and everything will be alright with the world.



  14. Thank you for this post. It is good to know I am not the only one with some of these random and rambling thoughts. Tonya

  15. I laughed so hard reading this because I felt like I was listening to my own just wrote it and I didn't!! You will be fine and yes she will love you...I am choosing to be a fluffy (not fat) mommy in case you needed a new term!!

  16. I remember feeling the same way. Still do some days. But God is strong when I am weak and there is this child that make things wonderful even when its a struggle.

  17. boy, all those thoughts sound just think faster!! And no, you aren't as crazy as the ppl on the Yahoo groups! Thinking of you and baby girl.

  18. The majority of your list sounds so familiar!! girl the emotions are REAL!

    Hang in there

  19. Yep, it's official yall, Robbin's gone nutttttts LOL!!!!! Now, here's one more for ya:

    101: Will I send D what she requested as per the last e-mail?????

  20. You posted every parents questions. Thank you!
    Everything will workout and you guys will be fine.
    Just wait until she's a teenager; you'll have a new set of questions. LOL :)

  21. may want to do away with the white sofa. Of give her finger paint and decorate it. ;-)

    Seriously, if you weren't freaking out, I'd be a little worried about you. It will all be okay and this will be the best thing you've ever done. It really will.

  22. This post totally made my day!

  23. AMEN to complete and utter honesty! Authentic and real you are!

  24. From one single mom another - you will take it on one day at a time and everything will be fine! Good luck with court! - Julie O.

  25. Robbin,
    You have taken every thought out of my head and wrote it on your blog! Oh my, we are just about at the same stage and exact thoughts, pretty much all of them run through my head all the time. I just don't have the guts to tell anybody or write it in my blog.

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing. It really means alot.

    This is reality and I so admire you and your strength to be able to share this. Please know there are many of us out there that feel the exact same way.

    And you know that He has all the timing worked out and you know you and your daughter are so going to be more than okay, love conquers all ooxx
    Kim @ tickledpink