Sunday, April 11, 2010

Potty Training

I made the decision that I would start potty training when Lulu started walking.  She started taking steps a few weeks ago at daycare but would never walk at home.  We finally caught her on video.  
So yes finally at 15 months, I have a walker.  Which means I have a pottier!!!  
I still think of Lulu as my little infant.  I have a hard time embracing that she is a toddler and yet she cracks me up EVERYDAY with her "big-girl ways".  So today we went to visit my sister who is recovering from surgery.  Although we know we should go more often :( we go at least once a week and always on Sunday.  While I am there if I have to change her diaper I change her on the guest bathroom floor.  Now let me say that Lulu is ALWAYS changed on her changing table at home.  We NEVER change anywhere else in the house.  It's just easier to do it where all the tools are.  So being changed on the floor is out of the norm.  

ANYWAY...we were chillin at my sister's house and she noticed Lulu was possibly pooping.  And a quick whiff of the room confirmed it.  So I tell Lulu to get me a diaper (jokingly) and she toddles over to the door near her diaper bag but then crawls off.  I say to my sister and Mom that if she gets her diaper she is getting potty trained TODAY.   Well she doesn't but guess what she does do...  She crawled down the hall and went into the bathroom.  AND LAID ON THE FLOOR.   I was completely dumbfounded!!!!  SHE IS READY!!!!! Listen if a kid can get a diaper, or go to the place where they are normally changed then they are ready to start potty training.  

See what happens in Black culture is you are PRESSURED into potty training.  Everyone's parents tell you that YOU were potty trained at like 11 months lol.  Clearly if you investigate the story you will find that you were probably 25 months old, but they will have you believe that you were much younger.  So you have everyone ask you... "is she potty training".  and EVERYONE is a professional, they can do it in just 3 hours or something ridiculous.   I don't share those aspirations lol.   

So here are my rules

1.  I am doing the potty training.  Not the childcare provider, not grandma, not the lady down the street.  ME!
2.  I am potty training on the weekends only.  I will not try to force her to use the potty during the 1 hour we get after I am off work and before she goes to bed
3.  I am setting a personal time goal.  I am not saying what that is.  But she is 15 months now....
4.  I am not using pull ups.  Nope, that's retarded.  (imho).  We are using panties.   She will feel it and so will I lol.
5.  We are increasing our sign language skills to ease into our communication of the language of potty
6.  This is not a competition... and I am not looking for a shortcut.
7.  We are using the potty chair for the purpose of potty training only but will be using the standard size toilet after this
8.  I use cloth diapers primarily at home and will continue to use them for the period of potty training.

And without further ado.....

I present, Lulu's first time peeing on the toilet.



Friday, April 9, 2010

The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

On November 19, 2008, after being on the wait list for over 4 months, I received the devestating news that Ethiopia was closing to singles in the future and at the very least they would limit the number of single parents allowed to adopt. I remember the feeling of hopelessness. I also remember the many stories of success that happened just because we all just stood on FAITH!!!!! Let me tell you the road was TOUGH!!!!! But I was stuck, I couldn't move. Even if I wanted to. I just had to stand still and let God move around me :)

Fast forward to April 1st, 2009. Still at a stand still not knowing what would happen, but still in good spirits (remember my April Fool's engagement post?) On this day, I would have been officially waiting for a referral for 9 months but on hold for 5 of those months. Watching others as they received MY referral, for MY baby. Anyway, I get this very random email from Gladney stating there would be a MANDATORY conference call from singles. THEN, I get a phone call asking if I received the email. Um Yeah. So I call all my single buddies and we synchronize our watches and I head to the restaurant with a "friend".

Sitting there with that really queasy feeling in my stomach I listen with a dropped jaw as Gladney announces they are RESUMING adoptions for singles and we would "fall back into place" on the official wait list. At this point I HUNG UP!!!! LOL. The call was clearly not over. I just HUNG UP. I tried to call my single buddies who clearly had NOT hung up. Then I walked out the resident, set on the curb, and started crying. I was BROKE! My job in real estate had come to a crashing halt, I had school issues, I mean I really had no way of moving forward. NO WAY!!! I was torn. Happy/ Sad. Happy because I wanted a baby; sad because I had no way to make it happen. DAMN.

Somehow I made it thru the dinner and flew home so that I could put on my forensic hat. I am definitely a forensic blogger, with complete adoption insight (one friend even calls me the adoption-whisperer lol). I stared at the unofficial list and had to say DAMN again. The average wait time is 8 months. I've been waiting for 9 months. WHAT THE HELL! I pulled out my contract to see what the bare minimum amount of money I would have to have (remember I was expecting to get the call in OCTOBER). I found a itty bitty conflict and was like "cool, I can pay half!". Hmmmmmm, I don't have half but at least that is half of what I don't have lol. I called all my adopting friends and then I called Arilee, my unofficial adoption consultant. And then I prayed.

Now around the same time my mother had liquidated a ton of investments because she lost so much money in the stock market and she asked me to take her to the credit union to reinvest the money. I did and I took that as the time to tell her that I was indeed back in the mix for a referral. Of course like most non-adopters, this meant NOTHING. It was over 15 months in this process and everyone was OVER IT! LOL. I went on about my business while trying to contain my uncertainty and GLEE. I told my friends. "NEXT THURSDAY" for me. Those that were not as CONNECTED... made their predictions, for me and for themselves. Catrina and I spent COUNTLESS hours on the phone OBSESSING!!!

Ok is the anticipation building lol.... 8 DAYS LATER.... on April 9th I left school came home and laid across my bed. The house was calm and I was alone. Just like I wanted it. I called Catrina and said "Today". and then I laid there in peace. At 3:52 p.m. my phone rang.

I picked up the phone and in true multitasking fashion, I managed to listen, open an email, email 11 ppl and text 3 ppl. All in ONE MINUTE!!!!!!

And then I wrote this:

me: April 9, 2009 3:57:35 PM EDT I'm getting a referral!

me: April 9, 2009 4:07:10 PM EDT I HAVE A DAUGHTER

me: April 9, 2009 4:08:11 PM


email back the number I can call you all on!


ME: i'm on the phone with Abbey I just sent the referral to you

Tami: Answer your damn phone! Call me! Send me pictures! Wtf?!!!!!!!!

me: i sent it!!!

Tami: Beeatch!!!!!! Answer the phone!!!!!!!! Cutie!!!!!!!!! OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG cutieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee piiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Me: I'm ON THE PHONE WITH ABBEY!!! literally she is talking I don't know what the fuck she is

saying lol!

Okay you get the picture right!

It went on for HOURS!!!!! This is what I saw:

I can not tell you that it was all happy praise. From me or from some others. This baby was so tiny, her head SOOOOO big. But after some real heart to heart conversations with those close to me and to God, I proceeded. With the help of a gift from my mom and some great gifts from friends (Thanks Celeste and Deb!), I proceeded forward.

It has been ONE YEAR since I first saw her face. And today I still never tire of seeing it!

A year ago today!

A year ago today I fell in love with an angel. It was such a long journey to get here but faith helped me make it thru. I have some pics to post but I'm away from my computer.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this baby.

More to post Later!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

My Soapbox Rant

I DO NOT HATE LOCS! not on grown ups and NOT on children.

I feel it is necessary for me to make this declaration after having a pissing match with a woman about my "disgust" with locing children's hair.
Here are my thoughts:

1. Loc because you want to. But KNOW it is time intensive and requires a LOT of maintenance
2. Yes it's sexist but I don't mind boys because they can cut their hair off (without trying to UnLOC) and gone about their business
3. I HATE HATE HATE, the idea that you are locing the hair because it will be easier to manage. Locing will NOT save you from hours of caring for your daughters hair. If you don't want to comb it DO NOT loc for this reason. Just don't. In a nutshell (and I can say this cause it's my blog)... it's triflin'. If you don't know what I mean GOOGLE it.

Last week I was accused of blog bashing for a little boy that is locing his hair and now this week I received a 10 minute lashing about my misplaced feelings or rather as it was stated my "disgust" of locs.

I present for you exhibit #1

Exhibit #2....

Remember my lovely friend that traveled to Africa with me. The photographer? Well she was my FREAKIN LOCTICIAN!!!!! Do you even know what that is? Oh wait I forgot you plan on locing the child's hair yourself.

Exhibit #3 my very lovely and SUPERTRENDY little cousin Justyce sporting expertly styled LOCs!!!!!

Exhibit # 4 and her mother -- also a loc wearer

See again, my theory is that NO ONE --- or rather no Black ONE would ever loc a young child's hair (I'm speaking pre-k or younger) unless the child clearly requested it or UNLESS they themselves were loc wearers or come from a loc wearing family

Exhibit #6

my OWN loc wearing family

so if I decide to go back to wearing locs and THEN decide to loc my daughters hair, I would then fit the EXCEPTION
I love 'locs' deplore the term 'dreads' unless you actually have DREADs. Because as we say in loc world... "ain't nothin dreadful about it"

Consequently, my gripe is this. If you don't comb your child's hair at all... (we are speaking daughter here) and then you say, "I'll loc, cause its easier... then taking the time to care for my child's hair." Or it's cheaper. Then, I have a problem with that logic. If I can be honest, and not step on any one's toes in the process consider this: loc wearing IS NOT for the faint at heart. It is NOT embraced in African American culture mainstream. Even with the help of good old Lil Wayne and Lauren Hill and Erykah Badu oh and India Arie and Whoopi.... it still stands out and makes you just a little different. That's all good! I did it. For aesthetic purposes only. I just liked the way it look. But the work was GRUELING. I was in the salon sometimes twice a month, I couldn't wash my own hair because it was a lot to drying and remoisterizing it and I was terrible at styling it. News Flash: I am terrible at styling Lulu's hair. I try products based on recommendations, I dump products out. I go thru ALL of the same hardships a white mom with a black child would go thru. Now here is the difference. I'm BLACK!!! and EVERYWHERE... I mean EVERYWHERE I go I'm around some Black 'folks'. I get called to the mat about her hair. Do this, don't do that. Try this. Hell at the daycare they will even completely change her hair! Yep. It IS our culture.

If you went to Ethiopia, did you really see anyone with locs? Jamaica maybe.... but how many did you see in ET? Thank God for Madame CJ Walker. She invented the straightening comb, and shortly after somebody put LYE in a jar and Malcolm Little got some conk and had waves... you know the story (before he was Malcolm X of course).

See in our community we are proud of our hair. We don't get it done, we get it "DID"..... Frequently. And wash it infrequently. But we keep it coifed!

So to say that I don't like locs is not a truthful statement. I LOVE THEM.... But I must say I cringe when I see a family with NO Black "friends" in any of their Facebook pictures, and the only black's in the photos are the kids... wearing HOME LOC'ed HAIR..... Are you kidding me.
three strikes.... really.
So if I've pissed you off SORRY. But it just needed to be said.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Where does the time go?

Hello blog world!!!!!  We are still here.  Just wanted to take a second to write a quick post.   I am starting work on Monday....YAY MOMMY!!!! And so to ease the transition, Ms. Lu started daycare this week (on Monday).  I really like the daycare but apparently I am the only one.  Lulu was not pleased and has been very stubborn at daycare.  She will barely eat and won't nap AT ALL.  So she falls right to sleep as soon as she gets in the car at FIVE o'clock.   Not a good thing for Mommy.   I wake her butt right up and make her stay up as long as possible at home and then she is usually out for the night (sometimes as early as 6:45).  Hopefully as she gets more comfortable she will start napping.  So today being Saturday, I am doing laundry (5 loads) and folding and cleaning and menu planning for next week and like clockwork she went down for a nap at 10:15!   I don't know what they are doing to my poor baby but they better stop or Big Momma (that's me lol) is gonna get them!  Her disposition is better aside from the mean streak.  She is playing independently more today.  Yay!!!!

I hope to upload my cameras later today and I will put some pics on Lulu's blog!



Sunday, January 24, 2010

Lulu Learned to climb the stairs!

They say jealousy breeds competition.   I live in a ranch style house so Lulu never really sees stairs, but my friend Mai announced that her 10 month old was climbing the stairs and I thought to myself... "self, you better get your 13 month old on that"... Although my little angel was delayed in her gross motor skills when she came home, she is quickly moving on up the ladder!  Besides walking (which she ain't doing!) she has politely tested out of her age group for everything.  So now my little genius... um hmm... has figured out the art of stair climbing on her first go round at Granny's house.   There has been some editing to this video: I tried to take the fat person in the hat (me) out and also though it looks like she is falling backwards she isn't just at the end; but besides that this is true finesse and skills!!!  Of course my family is hyping her up and pushing her to the finish line.   Act impressed... I'm a first time mom!!! LOL.... Oh yeah I added some nice CBR music to describe my daughter turning into the beautiful butterfly that she is becoming :)  (corny I know... but who cares!)

Honestly I can't believe how awesome her "normal" is.   



Wednesday, January 20, 2010


I just went thru and updated my African American Mom's blog list.  Nearly all of us are home or close to it!!!  Take some time and visit the ladies.  Some have abandoned their blogs for Facebook... hmm hmm.... LOL.  But I love you guys.  And for those still working at it.... here's a little sweetness to motivate you!

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Hey I'm over here!

Lulu Happenings

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?

Become a Mommy

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don't even remember what they were but pretty sure I failed!!!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Birth -- No .... Adoptions?  YES!!!  Valarie, Catrina, Rayshell, Sylvia and some very "pregnant 

with anticipation" others!

*correction!!!! My friend Mai gave birth to Bean!  Bryce Arrington!!! Sorry future son in law!

4. Did anyone close to you die?


5. What places did you visit?

Dubai, Ethiopia, New York, 

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

Lack of procrastination, financial responsibility and organization!

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory?

April 1st -- found out that singles could adopt, April 9th -- saw Lulu for the first time July 3rd -- passed court, August 31 -- First met Lulu!!!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

My adoption

9. What was your biggest failure?

Employment issues, school issues

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?


11. What was the best thing you bought?

Nothing!!! I was so broke!

12. Where did most of your money go?

Food, credit cards

13. What did you get really, really, really excited about?


14. What song will always remind you of 2009?

Definitely I’m Yours, by Jason Mraz -- the adoption mantra!

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? happier

b) thinner or fatter? fatter…

c) richer or poorer? Poorer

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Cooking, exercising, meditating, praying, laughing, drinking!

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?

worrying, stressing, crying

18. How did you spend your summer holidays?

Holiday??? LOL

19. Did you fall in love in 2009?

Yes!!! With Lulu

20. How many one-night stands?


21. What was your favorite TV program?

Modern Family, People's Court

22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

No Hate.... some strong dislikes!  LOL

23. What was the best book you read?

The Kite Runner

24. What was your greatest musical discovery?

You Tube Videos

25. What did you want and get?


26. What did you want and not get?


27. What was your favorite film of this year?

The Kite Runner, Cadillac Records

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Not much... 35

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?


30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

If its still clean I can wear it again

31. What kept you sane?

My blog friends and my cybersisters!

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Idris Elba... Kwame Kilpatrick

33. Whose behaviour appalled you?


34. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.

Do not take anything for granted.   You are not promised anything and it can all go away without warning.  

So much fun!!!! I borrowed this from another blogger.  Helps put the RESOLUTIONS in perspective.

Live, Love, Hope, Pray, Believe, Care, Exercise, Work, Dream and DRINK!!!!