Wednesday, February 18, 2009


This pissed me off.  It should piss you off too (cause its my blog and I said so).  I would love to hear ANYTHING that sounds like a different perspective on this...... 

I borrowed it from my friend Valarie's blog.... we both are at a loss for words (I know hard to believe right).

Oh yeah.   The NEW YORK POST published this......

I wanted to say little but come on.....  Two days ago a chimp was killed after attacking a visitor to his "mom's" home.    The tape was chilling.   This is what you do to a chimp out of control. 

Is there a correlation?



Thursday, February 12, 2009

Its just hair.....

I'm a law student.  So anyone that knows me knows I love a good argument. But what drives me crazy is when someone acts as if because something does not affect them, it really must not affect anyone else. My last post was linked to a much larger forum and received quite a lot of differing opinions. I must say I have gained a different perspective from my fellow PAP's. I am not saying all Black mom's have hair figured out and that White mom's don't. Come on clearly my Mom missed the hair lesson given to all new mothers at new mother school. But I do think that when we are raising Black boys in White America and Black girls in White America we MUST consider what works best for them. Lets face it, we all want to just fit in... (well most of us anyway). I posted this in part on the forum. I'm sure it will not be well received. But I wanted to share it here as well.

For those who actually read my post, I put a picture of my brother. A few days ago my college educated brother, who has lived on 4 continents and is an accomplished musician, doesn't sag (pants) and was walking along a very diverse street in Manhattan, was stopped by an undercover police officer, questioned and basically badgered because he "fit the profile". After refusing to answer any questions, submit to any search and demanding an explanation, he was "released" and "allowed" to go on his way. Humiliated, is possibly the best word to describe how he felt. Could it happen to anyone? Absolutely. Did he get a chance to explain that he is not African American but perhaps Ethiopian...Nope. Bottom line for me is this: Will he come home and get the necessary support and understanding that he needs in order to dust his self off and go into the big bad world again tomorrow or will he be met with opposition by those who don't want to believe that IT does matter. That you have to really consider what you are doing to possibly add to the issues that is faced everyday by being Black in America.

and because you know I love pictures. I wanted to share this most current one of my brother.....

Needless to say I was heartbroken.  And he looks crazy without all those luscious locs!!!



Monday, February 9, 2009


I used to wear Dread locs.  I of course don't call them Dread locs, because there is nothing dreadful about them.   I wanted to loc my hair for several years but was not ready for the commitment and the finality.  I started locing in 2000.  I wore my hair loc'd for 7 years.  In that time, I had many friends that wore locs as well

My mother wears locs

My brother wears Locs

So you ask yourself... what is the point?

Well we all Loc'd our hair after we were GROWN!  I am truly appalled at the trend of adoptive parents -- transracial adoptions -- (White parents, Black Children)-- locing their children hair. Apparently the parents think that this is either a.) desirable by the child or b.) easier to deal with.  IT'S NOT!!!!   

Locs are first and foremost a choice.  You will not find ONE Black parent that will loc their children's hair unless the child is old enough to request it or unless the parents have locs of their own.  Locs are a serious and intimate decision.  Some wear it for fashion.  But either way, all loc wearers know it should not be entered without much thought, understanding and commitment.  

It is amazing to me how many hours are spent posting about hair care for "Black" hair.  But I understand that the best way to counteract the unknown is to study up.  But to loc a child's hair.  A child???? Are you serious?  

Little Black girls love to swing their pigtails as equally as their white counterparts.  Getting your hair pressed for Easter Sunday is a rites of passage of sorts.   Hair envy is common, even on small girls.   Little Black girls were not very happy to have their hair braided up because although it saved you from the torture of getting your hair "did", it ultimately took away the free feeling of having your hair down.

My heart is sad.  I know it might seem so petty but I promise you, it is a growing and pretty irreversible trend.  To see so many PAP's make this decision, discuss it and pass pictures on forums, just makes me wonder.... just how much adoptive parents really understand about the challenges faced in transracial adoptions.  Yes I know that seems harsh but so is being insensitive to what it means to be Black in America.

I believe in adoption.  I believe a child deserves to be in a loving caring home.  I also believe that adoption requires an "eyes wide open" approach.  The level of understanding is not decided merely by "following your heart" and "saving an orphan".  It is not based on cost nor wait times.   It's not merely something that can be reversed by disruption or institutionalization.  Its not to be done to prove a point......  It is the ultimate gift of life.

I wish I could reach out to the AP's doing this, but I have tried and met great opposition.   I found with adoption, people rarely want to hear the truth, or even your opinion.  They want to believe what they want to believe.  Period.

I am too pissed to say what I want to say.   This is a politically correct blog :)