I know Christmas in America is about "getting".... its taught so young and as kids we ran to meet friends and family asking: "what did you get?". With so many with so little at this time I am reminded that Christmas is about "giving". Take the word in its literal form: More Christ. Lets be more like Christ and give...... many will not even know its Christmas
My heart is in Africa. Again, dominating the world on the places with the greatest need.
My dreams have been scary lately. Completely weird and out of control. Today I took my nap (yeah I need one everyday), and I dreamed that I was arrested for attempting to kill my best friends mom.... (she's already passed away). She was in the hospital and I was coming to visit her and see how she was feeling and I was arrested IN the hospital. Funny thing is that the police officer that came to arrest me was FINE and very pleasant (like this Detective I once dated... but better). He was very kind to me and I asked him not to cuff me in the back because "my breast are so large and it makes me uncomfortable" lol. He obliged and didn't cuff me at all. I then told my best friend who was there with all of her sisters glaring at me (the sisters, not her) to watch my laptop and purse...... Just before this dream I segued out of someone's party that was apparently related to this same best friend and I kept getting this weird feeling that although all these ppl were there that someone was trying to rob the place.... and I was responsible for serving the cake. So anyway back to the hospital thing.... so Officer Fine -Ass - Hell who told me politely that his name was James something something, took me to the station and I wanted to tell him I was a law student but I didn't. When he got me to the station, I started "consciously" in my mind reciting phone numbers of ppl that have phones that accept collect calls. I was trying to remember my friend Edwar's number, a newly minted attorney, as well as my sister's number. The booking lady was very nice and she commented on my lovely ball gown (right... WTF)..... which was covered by Officer Fine - Ass -Hell's jacket, while she removed the handcuff which was just on one arm. When Officer Fine-Ass-Hell left, the booking lady couldn't find her Miranda rights and asked a coworker for hers. So I said, why am I being arrested? And she opened a file and pulled out an absolutely horrible ring and said, that my best friend's sister had in fact informed the police that I tried to kill her mother to get this ring. We laughed (the booking lady, me and the Miranda reading coworker). I really had to pee so I woke up.
But it unnerved me. I fear jail. I loathe thieves and I really love fine ass hell officers.
Just two nights before this, I dreamed that my two other best friends (Tanya and Kellae the Atlanta girls) were arrested for murdering Kellae's sister (also dead already), who's body was discovered after a really long period of time. I obviously had knowledge of the murder and I was forced to be a party in the case despite me knowing they had done it.
Through out the dream, I kept thinking about the #'s 9 and 20 and I kept saying: You can't multiply them. While my conscience mind kept saying " you can multiply 9 times 20, you are great with math".
For years I used to record my dreams in a dream journal and try to analyze the recurring themes. I have a great friend that (consequently he has lots of the contact with the police) but anyway, he is a great prophet (no really) and can dream and analyze things BEFORE they happen. It's weird and I've never witnessed anything like that. But honestly he can do it. But he NEVER dreams about dead ppl... not ones that are dead at the time of the dream. I'm afraid of asking him about this madness.
Okay...... Yep, if the ET officials are reading this they are convinced that I am crazy. But I'm not! I promise!!! Ask Officer Fine- Ass - Hell......
* so nice to have such close friends that you can share anything. Since none of my pre-blog, pre-adoption friends read this, with whom I'd NEVER share this craziness with, then I am safe from them reading this.
Adoption in sub saharan Africa is grown primarily because of AIDS. We are affected. Period. I can't allow myself to selfishly believe that God is allowing this epidemic to grow for the purpose of me becoming a parent. I am being allowed to adopt for the purpose of making change in the life of a child and promoting change in the life of a country; and in my own country; and within my own race; in my own community.
Please watch ALL OF US a documentary by an Ethiopian American doctor about women and AIDs and how the AIDS epidemic involving African American women and African women mirror each other so closely. Imagine, a third world country and urban America. Its on Showtime!!
I think everyone has heard some rendition of this story, I can't take credit for it, but I want to share it.
A family that was short on cash and had no food in the house. The family began to believe God to supply food for them that day. The husband came in the kitchen and told his wife to set the table. She said, “Honey, we have no food!” He told her to set the table anyway. She reluctantly set the table with plates, glasses, spoons, forks, napkins, and everything. She set the table just like she was about to serve a normal meal. The husband, wife, and their small son sat down at the table and looked at the empty plates. The little boy was, of course, very hungry. He looked at his dad and asked, “What are we going to eat?” His father replied, “Son the Lord will take care of us, you’ll see.” The little boy asked the same question, several times, and received the same reply from his dad. Soon, the little boy said, “I sure would love to have a chocolate pie.” Once again, his dad told him that the Lord would provide. Just a few moments later, there was a knock on the door. The father went to open the door and there was a man standing there with a basket of food. He said, “My wife cooked too much food, and the Lord said for me to bring this basket to you.” When they opened the basket, they found chicken, mashed potatoes, corn, beans, and bread; and last of all, they removed a chocolate pie. Sometimes in our lives we have to trust God right down to the last second. But God knows exactly how to take care of us. He can provide exactly what we need. He provides not only the meals we need, but He cares enough to send a chocolate pie to a little hungry boy.
I know I have been quiet. And I know I stopped my count down because I was given some news that caused me to feel disappointed and defeated. But I was asked by a dear friend to keep counting. Keep looking with anticipation and to "set the table". (Thanks Celeste). Iposted a few weeks ago about a really really challenging situation that I was enduring and I felt so much love and support from those that posted and prayed or prayed and didn't post. I just knew I had more warriors standing beside me then I even knew possible. I am so pleased to announce that my situation was resolved and although I was postponed a little I am back on track. But this is the thing... that postponement actually worked so well within my life that everything else shifted into place.
I'm real big on analogies so let me say this. I ran track in high school (and not one time since lol) and runners know that everyone starts in their own lane at a different spot but the distance is the same. Well, I was still on the track, I could see the finish line, but I was in the wrong lane! God slowed me down and got me back on track! Because trust me... you don't want to come in first and not be in the right lane. That's right disqualified! Thank you everyone for praying for me and with me.
So with that being said, and back by popular demand (ok, not really), I will continue to count. Because although my adoption may be delayed, I have not been disqualified. I don't know what's gonna happen when I get up there in the numbers lol. Maybe I'll start counting old boyfriends, that will get me thru about 100 weeks!
I saw this on a friends page, and I just need to say, PRAISE HIM IN ADVANCE. Because my daughter is coming home.
Hello Friends, I just wanted to stop in and give Thanksgiving wishes! I have so much to be thankful for and I am reminded that this world wide web has put so much of the world within my reach. I have met so many friends along the way and gained knowledge that has helped to destroy the many myths perpetuated by the media. I thought about this and wanted to share it, its a blast from the past but fitting!
BTW, I am ever hopeful that single mother adoptions in Ethiopia will not be limited. I know that this is not in my hands (thank goodness cause I would surely mess it up) but I just have a real good feeling that something is gonna break......
Somebody that I know was told by someone that they know that was told by their cousins aunt who heard that..........
Just kidding. You know how I purchased my car seat a few months back and was so pleased about the deal I got on ebay? ( I think I talked about it.... Britax, for 180.00 including shipping and retails for 250.00). Well this trumps that deal by about 1000%! And since I needed two car seats, I ran over and purchased another!
That's right! A Britax car seat for 42.00!!!!!!!!!!! This is amazing, too good to be true and I am waiting on my, "April Fool's email". In November.
I purchased mine and didn't have to get the "moo moo" one which is also a steal at 59.00. And they both have free shipping..... no kidding. Check it out for yourself ! I feel like I hit the lottery!!! And it won't be here until December. Until then, I will be keeping my fingers crossed.
Here are a few of my pictures from graduation day. I am with my friend Kellae who's wedding I went to here. Unfortunately, my grandmother had passed away on prom night and so I was whisked off from graduation and off to Louisiana for her funeral so I didn't really get to spend any time with my graduating friends.
I lived in a small town and so they came up with this great ideal of combining both the graduation from both schools together. This is my cousin Tanisha who graduated from the other school. ALL of my friends attended the other school so I was excited to be with the ppl I better connected to. To this day, I definitely am closer to the students at the other school and participate in far more alumni events with them. Because my super popular brother was at the other school ppl for some reason thought I attended there as well!
My Sunday post didn't come up on Sunday it came on Saturday, because I tried to auto post. Sorry blogger reader ppl, this is another post about NOTHING!!!!! Just trying to keep up with the Blog post month thingy.
Ok, these are some of my many several hundred dollars worth of senior proofs. Clearly my mother allowed me way to much latitude. When I looked at the nearly 50 proofs in my book I just had to crack up. My mother believed in independence. I picked my own outfits, my own picture package and went to take my pictures ALONE. So I even have one with my boyfriend.... the same guy in the prom pics. The jean picture is sporting the famous airbrush of the 90's lol. Said boyfriend was the artist and on the butt section was both of his hands and it said "hands off". Right....... Thank goodness I don't have that in my senior pics.
Because I was suppose to scan my graduation photos and I didn't I have to just type something!!! Cause remember I'm taking the blog challenge. So here it is. Today was beautiful in Michigan. About 70 degrees! My super sweet mom put even more lights outside for me so that I can have a well lit yard... like my neighbors. So maybe I can capture a picture of that.....
What's the black pres thinking on election night, Is it how can i protect my life? Protect my wife? Protect my rights? Every other president was nothing less than white, Except Thomas Jefferson a mixed Indian blood and Calvin Coolidge, Kkk is like what the fu*k, loading they guns up, loading up mines to, Ready to ride coz I'm riding with my crew, he dies we die too, Yea but on a positive side, i think Obama provides hope, And challenges minds or all races and colours, To erase hate, and try to love one another, so many political snakes, We in need of a break, I'm thinking I can trust this brother, But will he keep it way real, every innocent nigga in jail get shot up in the field? When he wins will he really care still? I feel
I think I have quite a few pictures from this age, so I will do them a little at a time to cover my post from "yesterday!".
This is my PROM picture. My lovely dress was $50.00 from Alvyn's Bridal shop and my shoes were $100.00 from Ganto's (remember them!) I still have my dress and when I can fit a size 4 again, I will wear it again! I WILL wear it AGAIN!!!!
I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name. (NIV)
My friends, you may have noticed that my post have been limited to the count down and my pictures. One of my friends in Texas is a reader of my blog and she asked me to PLEASE write a decent post. I realized that I am just waiting... waiting .... waiting..... And I have been quiet. Very quiet. I have been struggling with some very scary life events. Situations that good or bad can be hurtful, disappointing, and embarrassing. I have been quiet for the fear that if I open my mouth I will be unable to find my voice. To explain. To ask for forgiveness. To ask for help.
2008 has been a doozy! Anyone close to me knows that I have hidden my head in the sand refusing to deal with some very hurtful acts of betrayal. But, with the prayers of some very close friends and some very wise strangers, I moved into a different phase of my life. I moved forward in my dreams to become a mommy. I know many people were shocked when I made this decision, but I thank God that EVERYONE close to me has accepted and are excited about where I am.
Unfortunately, although God holds our future, and knows what will become, we are given freewill and are actions, inactions and reactions will have consequences. Despite God's greatest hopes for us to seek his face and follow him and allow him to direct our paths, often we take our own route. And for that we will have consequences. If only we could say "Lord, I'm sorry, my bad...." and all of the repercussions would be erased, wouldn't that be magnificent? What I do know is that no matter what... it will all turn out for good, according to God's purpose and plan.
In the coming days, I am faced with the repercussions of my own actions, inactions, and reactions. There was a point where I had given up and things were left uncared for and unresolved. It has put in jeopardy somethings that I worked hard to achieve.
I am a very talkative person, and I have rarely met a stranger. I had the opportunity to have two completely different conversations recently that made an impact on my outlook. The first conversation happened when I changed my insurance policy. The agent that helped me was as chatty as me and very witty. He kept me on the phone for 2 HOURS! And somewhere in there I decided to share with him a secret that I have not shared with many people. I don't have any ideal why. I also shared with him that I was adopting a child. Well later on in another conversation, the same guy was teasing me about my secret and I was pretty down about it and he told me that my future was already set and that I had to have endurance because "endurance is when the competition gives up and you are competing against yourself." It was just what I needed to hear. It just amazes me that God brings ppl in your life to be ready and in place to give you the motivation to keep moving forward.
The second conversation was with a girl that called about renting a property that I own. Now the Michigan market is horrible and some landlords will rent to anybody. I am blessed with a family that is very supportive of my ventures and I have been able to be more picky. It hasn't been the most financially satisfying decision but it has been a well thought out one. Anyway, so this girl starts telling me her story and I know almost immediately that I would not be able to rent to her. But her name sounded familiar and I asked her if she knew me and although she didn't recognize my name, I knew who she was and she was actually a friend of mine in elementary. I remember as a little girl that she had a really hard life so when she told me her story sadly it wasn't much different from what I expected. She started to tell me why she was moving and how her landlord was going into foreclosure and yet still collecting rent and had filed for a money judgment against her in court. I work as an extern in the court and I gave her detailed instructions on how to get back in front of the judge to resolve her situation. She seemed grateful and shared with me that she was a single mom to 3 children but fighting to take custody of her 20 year old sister's infant twin sons. Her sister had 6 children, the first died of SIDs and the others are 5, 3, 1 and the twin 2 month old boys. They are now in foster care because of some injuries to the 5 year old. The young lady works as a manager at KFC and had a very tight budget but yet she wanted desperately to try to get her nephews out of the system. I was amazed by her tenacity. I ended the conversation with the resolve that I will use my gifts to help others. I will remember to speak for those that are ignored not because of what they say but how they say it. I was challenged by her. And I was reminded of my own struggle, to find my own tenacity.
In the coming days I am struggling with remembering that God holds my fate. That God determines my path. I must remind myself that he is the ultimate decision maker and what others may perceive as an opportunity to shut a door is NOTHING because God opened the door. I must remind myself that my gifts are to be used to help others. And that they will not be taken from me because they were given to me by God.
When I wake up in the middle of the night, afraid of what awaits me, I must remind myself that God has told me to fear not. For each and every day, he has told me to FEAR NOT. And it appears 365 times in the Bible. Once for each day. How magnificent is that?
Its been a long time since I reached out and I apologize if this post seem coded. I ask all of my friends that read this to please pray with me and for me, that my situation will be settled in the coming days. And that I remember to FEAR NOT.
Apparently there is some discussion going on on the list about VW and Brooke Shields making an "offensive" ad. I guess I just didn't get as offended as many. In the really (extremely) long ad spot on the VW website which is obviously intended as a spoof similar to SNL skit, Brooke says something about ppl "cyber adopting" for the purpose of being able to drive this minivan. And what appears to be two white women remove what appears to be an asian baby from the minivan. Some on the list have said that it was "hurtful". I thought it was kind of stupid, but I wasn't offended.
Thanks to Tami for sending me to mamabargaincom. I am sure I didn't need to buy anything, I've spent so much on Ebay that I can no longer account for the packages arriving at the door. I have purchased all of my big ticket item, except my biggest ticket item -- Nursery furniture! I am hoping Grandma will want to buy that.
Anyway, I digress. I haven't done as much research on strollers as I did on the high chair, but I did know that this time, I wasn't asking any of my friends for their opinions! I knew that I wanted it to be able to move easily over smooth surfaces and rough surfaces. I doubt that I needed off roading or all-terrain because clearly, I will not be doing much of that :). I also wanted something that wasn't too bulky, lightweight and easy to maneuver with ONE hand and thanks to the advice of Christina, it needs to fold UP to me. I guess it is stupid that most strollers you collapse and it falls to the ground. So now you have baby in hand and you are trying to bend over and balance the baby while lifting it up. Of course I wasn't looking for the most expensive but not the cheapest either. I wanted something durable that would work for more than one year. I had really been eyeing the Maclaren strollers. They seem to be the most popular, lightweight, umbrella step-up. And it really is a NAME BRAND umbrella stroller. For $100.00 plus. I knew I didn't want the old school style all in one with ducks and stuff. I really wanted cup holders Somewhere! And lets face it. Ya'll know by now, I want it to not look "baby". So there were a lot of choices with fabulous colors, features, material and of course nice hefty price tags.
So back to mamabargains.com, this place is great, one item a couple times a day for at least half off and these are things you didn't even KNOW you needed LOL. So that's where I found it.
The Micralite Fast Fold. Yes I got the red. It has many of the features I needed and many that I wanted that I didn't get, but this was really a souped up umbrella stroller on steroids. Its not bulky at all. Mine came with the bassinet that you see but I don't expect to get much use out of it. However its a good alternative to a cradle for the little one. It retails at $529. And I got it for $238! Yep I'm crazy. I like it and now that's on e more thing off of my list.
Okay well this is it! I have entered the!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My agency is quoting 3-5 months as a wait time for a referral. I am making great strides on the unofficial list. I have made some big decisions regarding my future career and my education. Some by choice, some not. But none the less I believe that everything happens the way it is supposed to. I believe we all have free will and that although our choices may chose the path, what awaits us at the end is not decided by us. I am okay with the "postponement" of things and I am ready to get my little girl home!
This weekend I went to the wedding of my good friend Kellae to her extra wonderful new husband Kakra G. So I wanted to post a picture of the event. It was at the beautiful Rhodes Hall on Peachtree, and it was a sunset wedding so please forgive the dark pic!
Also I came home to lots of packages! I've been ebaying (yes its a verb), and I got some good deals. I got about 10 Dr. Brown glass bottles, about 5 BPA free bottles, and about 10 Playtex drop in bottles. I plan on using the playtex while in ET and transitioning over to the Dr. Brown's after I get home. I also bought a cute diaper bag from Pottery Barn and a little tennis dress. here is a picture of the bag mine is mint green.
And most importantly I got the SVAN baby bouncer in watermelon and khaki. It retails for 129.00 and I got it NIB (that's Ebay lingo -- New In the Box :), for $56.00 plus shipping. The model pictured is my "son" Junior. He loves it!
Wow, time is passing quickly and now I am getting nervous! I will enter the window in just 2 weeks!!!!!!! I am prepared for referral times to increase. My agency is quoting 3-5 months, and just 3 months ago referrals were coming closer to the earlier part of the timeframe. Now referrals are easily exceeding that timeframe. So I am predicting within one month, the agency will change the referral time to at the very least 4-6 months but more than like 5-7 months. I am not at all stressed by that. I believe my child will be referred to me, despite timeframes and case coordinators, and law changes and regulations, she will be my daughter and I will be her mom.
Not to mention, I take the Bar Exam in February and I don't know why I thought traveling BEFORE that would make ANY SENSE AT ALL!
So my new referral guess: 12/05 (No scientific calculations, its my brother's birthday lol) up from 10/16 (Michigan Sweetest Day lol). With travel week 1 of March!
To all my PAP's (adoption speak: Prospective Adoptive Parent) hang in there, our time is not always the right time. There are greater forces in the universe that contribute (I know weird huh).
Ok look, these pictures get really really BAD! I mean really bad, So I am going to do them one by one to soften the blow. If you have a weak stomach turn your head now LOL! The first picture is the CLASS PHOTO. So embarrassing myself is not enough, misery LOOOOOOOOOVES company!
I can name just about everyone in this picture. What's really funny is the guys you thought were the studs!
From Left to right
Principal Mattie Mckinney Hatchett
Teacher Jo Davidson
Stephen Kennedy (my K boyfriend)
Kyle Hughes (Stud lol)
Jeff Wiscombe (stud)
Angela Rodriguez (my best friend)
Robert Bailey III
Yep, I know just what you wanted to sit thru is a roll call of my 4th grade class mates. But guess what, Its not enough for me to post their pics, I want their NAMES out there too!
I made my first big purchase today. I bought this very trendy, very functional and very "un-baby" high chair. You see, I really loathe baby looking baby stuff. I don't think it requires all that fluff fluff frill. My style is sort of not quite modern, not quite contemporary -- more "transitional". I really think that my baby stuff should fit within my decor. Of course this has clearly driven my friends MAD!
I have been accused of lots of things during this adoption journey, but none more often than the accusation that: I don't have a clue what I am signing up for. But I think that I have about as much of an understanding as any first time mom. Perhaps more. In searching for every major item -- stroller, crib, highchair, carseat, bottles --- I have reviewed hundreds of reviews, reports and comments. I just wanted to be certain that my Type- A -personality-mind was satisfied with each and every decision.
So the high chair. Like I said, I had a few criteria to fill, I wanted something that wasn't frilly, not plastic, not obtrusive, multi-functional, works well with the table and not a lot of crevices to hold little crumbs and stickies. Needless to say, my list was whittled down quickly. I settled on two: Stokke or Svan. I chose the Svan.
Of course price was a consideration, but not a deciding factor. After seeing that the mid price highchair runs between 100-175.00, I realized that my choices weren't SOOO out of reach. My Svan included the easily removable tray, a dishwasher safe tray cover, and a cushion for $250.00 delivered to my door. It has a very clean look and it doesn't look like a highchair. It fits right at my table and even changes to a toddler chair and can seat an adult.
I'm surprised how few ppl say they used their high chair. When I eat, I eat at the table. I don't agree with eating all over the house. I was not allowed to as a child and it seems that our norms are what we were raised to believe. I've heard a bunch of different places that children are fed at -- carriers, bouncers, carseats, laps, floors -- just seems like a highchair would be a good place to start. But then I am always accused of going against the norms. Just like with this adoption. I am single, not infertile, and parenting by choice.
So yes, I bought an expensive highchair, that doesn't look like a high chair.
And its fabulous.
Here's a picture and no this is not my family lol, but I do love their kitchen.