Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Blogging into the future

I started blogging to get me thru this maze called adoption and it has proved to be a very fruitful journey!  I love blogging.  And I love my blog friends. I love what this blog has represented for me.   I started this journey alone and now I have gained friends, family and my wonderful daughter.  

I am very blessed and I want to keep blogging but more about Lulu and my relationship and the trials of being a single mother instead of being a single woman trying to adopt a child.  I hope that you all will visit us on our new site.  100percentlulu.

I'm not sure what the topics will be but I want want to keep blogging!!!!

See you soon!


Thursday, November 26, 2009


Today is Thanksgiving.   I have so much to say.   Last year on November 19th, 2008, I was told by my agency that Single Parent Adoptions were going to be limited if not stopped all together.  Gladney was going to try to push thru 10 women and I was number 12 on that list!   I mean I was just sickened.  Completely.   This "thing" that I wanted was so close but continued to remain so far away.  I started this process in Feb of 2008 and had been on the wait list since July of 2008.  At this time I had been waiting 4 of an estimated 8 months for my referral.   HALF WAY THERE!!!  If on target I could possibly meet my little baby sometime around March.  Now with the new limitation I was told that I MAY be able to continue the process in October of 09 while some of my friends would have to wait until October 2010 or October 2011

I remember the hysteria around that time.  I remember the feeling of hopelessness, incompleteness and overall sadness.   I remember all of the very kind words from strangers.  I saw so many people searching for a situation and I became a sort of guru of information about who, what, when and where you could go to possibly still be accepted into the ever closing window.  I made my decision immediately.  I would be still and wait until I could hear the voice of God.   I stated very matter of factly to others that despite having other options (domestic) I would stand still until March or April.  And then I would decide.  I spoke to many friends who could not see any good coming out of waiting.  But I didn't have ONE DIME to move to another agency and more than half of my fees had been paid.   I just had to wait.  

On April 1, 2009, I received a call from agency saying we would have a conference call for singles only.  On April 2nd I was told that single parent adoption would be resumed and I was NUMBER 2 on the list waiting for a referral!!!!!! 

And on April 9th I met Lulako Daniso!!

So much fear so much anxiety... but the first glimpse of my beautiful daughter (beautiful now but I wasn't so sure then!)

A lot had to happen to make this a reality.  And for each and EVERY step I am so VERY THANKFUL!!!!!!!

  • For the extended wait time... so that I could be matched to THIS little girl
  • For the many friends that understood because they were going thru the same thing
  • For the family that supported me
  • For God for having vision over my life 
"They" said it couldn't happen.  But IT DID.  

I am praying today for Celeste  who is still waiting for her girls and for Tami who is still waiting to see her girl.  


Girls last year was bad...  but this year we are full of thanks and praise!

**** sorry for the late post!!!!


Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Wordless Wednesday Almost!

Come on ppl, I can only work with professionals!  

Monday, November 16, 2009

Lulu's at it again

She apparently doesn't appreciate her Mom's creativity.  See for your self.

Well I had fun!!!!!

Lulu and her Aunt and namesake Rose! (and a little photoshopping by Mom!)

Thursday, November 12, 2009

photo shoot

Me and Lulu did an impromptu photo shoot a few weeks back and I just got the proofs.   I called myself photoshopping them before the pro's did their thing, and my friend Arilee brought me back to reality.  Better keep my day job ... oh wait I don't have one LOL.   Anyway here is some of the pics!


Sunday, November 8, 2009

Friday, November 6, 2009


I am cheating.... I'm going out tonight and Lulu is having her first sleep over with grandma!!!!  But please check out her blog to see what she's been doing....


*** congrats Cristina!!!!!!



Thursday, November 5, 2009


Today has been a hard day.  today I had to face accusations about myself that were not true but there was no real defense.  Sometimes things are done in haste or in error and it can be a very costly mistake to live with.  What surprised me is that I looked over at my angel baby and I knew what mattered most.   I am leaning on the faith that I talk to my friends about.  If not faith, Lord please give me some FAVOR.

That's my post.   Sorry there isn't more to be said :(

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Birthday Thoughts

In one month Lulu will celebrate her FIRST birthday!!!!!!!  She just has too much stuff already!!!!   So instead of getting gifts, Lulu is going to give them.  Yesterday, I posted our link to clean:water.  It is an awesome organization.  In lieu of gifts, donations are made to clean:water on Lulu's behalf and it is spent to build wells in underprivileged areas.  

Surprisingly, I've met some opposition to this proposal.   Whenever I share with others that Lulu will not be having the traditional first birthday party, I am often given great "cost saving" ideals that would enable me to give her a party.  I've been told that I could give her a party and ask for money instead of gifts -- which to me is like having a wedding and asking for money  (to avoid a huge discussion about that, I will just say that's not my thing); one suggested I go to "the dollar store" and just at least decorate.   I'm not sure what would be the point of spending money when even $20.00 makes a huge difference in a project like this.  Lulu will have a cake event.   Cake, maybe ice cream (a signature drink for her Mom :).  We will take pictures and I'm sure the Grandma's and aunts will come, but we won't do any party favors, or invites, or anything like that.   I don't think that Lulu will remember much.  I believe that special days are important.  I pray that she will certainly have many special days.   I just want them to be special for her!  

More than anything, I know Lulu has all that she needs at this time.   I am blessed to have Lulu but it is because her birth parents did not have all they needed such as medicine and clean water that she is with us today.   Her mother died because of that lack of clean water.  I am mindful of that DAILY!!!  This matters to me, it matters to us and it matters to them.   Giving is not a requirement, I only want people to do what they want to do.  But I really ain't interested in the naysayers :(   

On another note, my sister had a Meet and Greet this weekend for Scotland Rose :)  


Monday, November 2, 2009

Sunday, November 1, 2009

National Blog Posting Month

I tried this last year too!!!   But really, with FB its so hard to Blog.  Darn!   I'm gonna try though....

Please if you are still out there.  SAY SOMETHING!!!!   Lulu said she's going to post on her blog too!

Ok anyway.....

Yesterday was Halloween.  We had an absolutely great time!  We had a really long day.  First my sister had  a meet and greet  with her friends (I think we got some pics somewhere).  And then we had a party and Lulu was a bumble bee.  

Here she is with Uncle Charles, cousin Chelsey and Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


Tuesday, September 8, 2009


I'm here really!!!   I know its been an awful long time.   So much has happened.   I traveled with my two girlfriends to Ethiopia and picked up my little baby.  My insurance company refused to cover her and I finished school and have no job!   Well I could still sell real estate, so I kind of a job but not it is very very scary!!!!!  I want to blog my trip but I am exhausted!!!!   

I know I owe some of you updates.  I am working on it I promise.  Also, I will be posting about all things Lulu, on her blog www.100percentlulu.blogspot.com.   Now don't rush over there because there is nothing to see!!! But I am on it.  Really... just as soon as I get some sleep.   I am TIRED.

Lulu is the bomb and my family is completely enamored.  I love her dearly but this is a lot of work... I got some adjusting to do.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

100 Things

  1. food
  2. water
  3. clean water
  4. cell phone
  5. internet
  6. clean clothes
  7. toothpaste
  8. money
  9. car
  10. heat
  11. gas
  12. love
  13. friends
  14. strawberry smoothies
  15. hummus
  16. TV
  17. health
  18. a good bra
  19. pedicure
  20. smiles from passing strangers
  21. My God Children
  22. Lye -- as in the kind you perm your hair with :)
  23. Sonya -- my beautician to surgically apply the lye
  24. OB Tampons
  25. frequent flyer miles
  26. Toms Toothpaste
  27. Deodorant
  28. God
  29. Music
  30. My Mac
  31. 4 inch heels
  32. Remote 
  33. My Mom
  34. Navigation
  35. Yellow Legal Pads
  36. Sex
  37. Eye glasses
  38. Instant Messenger
  39. White Gap T-shirts
  40. Green well worn head scarf
  41. Peoples Court
  42. Good Books
  43. Butter
  44. My brother
  45. Camera
  46. Education
  47. Bible
  48. Travel
  49. Meditation
  50. Orange kool-aid with Lemon juice
  51. Thongs
  52. Two pillows
  53. Toilet paper
  54. Birth Control Pills
  55. Merlot
  56. Hell - Any Alcohol!
  57. Vision
  58. 400 thread count
  59. Freedom
  60. Google
  61. My reputation
  62. Dajuan
  63. Refrigeration
  64. Furnace
  65. Fan
  66. Power
  67. Stimulation conversation
  68. Sunglasses
  69. Fresh flowers
  70. Blogger
  71. Conscience
  72. Youtube
  73. Common Sense
  74. Fruit
  75. Clean Water
  76. Shower
  77. Facebook
  78. Lulako
  79. My Dad
  80. People Magazine
  81. Pictures
  82. A good mattress
  83. Blood
  84. Insurance
  85. Atlas
  86. Perfume
  87. Good will
  88. Rosemary
  89. Love
  90. Family
  91. Martini
  92. Peace of Mind
  93. All 4 seasons
  94. The laughter of children
  95. clean water
  96. My fellow PAP's
  97. Eyebrow Arch
  98. Clean water
  99. Humanitarian spirit
  100. Clean water
Imagine 100 things that you CAN NOT LIVE with out

Now imagine living without ANY of them!

100 Things.... 
can you give 100  -- little/ inexpensive/ insignificant to you  -- things --- 
to someone that doesn't have those things that I can't live without?

I have a daughter in Africa.  I am going to get her in a month.  I am collecting 100 THINGS.... I have lofty goal set to get my baby.  Failure is not an option.  Because at 6 months she has lost more than I will every gain....

100% is the only options.....

More to Follow!



BTW.... check this out... http://thewaterproject.org/

Friday, July 3, 2009



Although this picture is a not the most current pic, its one of my favorites. Its like she is saying.... "um yeah... whatever!"

Yes I passed court. Sorry for the cryptic message in the last post. I felt it was important to post that because I had been working on it but I never finished it. But I wanted everyone to know my Babycakes is headed to the US of A!



Thursday, July 2, 2009

Faith not Fear

This post was previously written on 6/19/09 but I never finished it

So ya'll know I'm very kool, kalm and kollective right? WRONG... Last week I completely lost it!!!!

See what had happened was .....

I was blessed with this video from Amy E from her travels in early May, and i could never open it. So out of the blue one night Amy gets it fixed up and sends it to me. Now ya'll should know that Catrina is a video maniac and has been waiting on Lulu's video since way before she got her own referral. So any way I open of the video...1 minute and like 3 seconds....and I am completely torn. I mean is this my baby... can this be my daughter? She is so tiny, so helpless. Is she sick... is she OKAY????? I mean Lulu was VERY tiny when I got her referral and she is growing SOOOOOO slowly.

All the thoughts that run thru your head... its just overwhelming. I'm talking 5 days before court and am I really RECONSIDERING!!! SECOND GUESSING!!!! or God forbid REGRETTING?!?!?!?!?!

Can I take care of a sick baby?

Man, i just did not want to think about this. So I just got really really quiet. I think that EVERY parent worries about the health of their baby. Regardless if you give birth to a child or if you adopt a child, the fear of the unknown is VERY great. The problem is this. There are a ton of birth parents that discuss these fears. With their family, their doctor, their friends -- a therapist). They do extra test and obsess over the ultrasounds, they prepare a special diet and stay out of the way of smokers. But adoptive parents, we don't have the luxury of taking all of these precautions. We don't have the luxury of holding our little one and and assessing all the fingers and all the toes. This is obviously the first thing that a mother does after birth (not like she can send Baby back...). We require the same reassurances. So we rely on the monthly reports, the pictures, and the short 1 minute videos. And we assess. I'm telling you... I was not pleased with what I was seeing. I was terrified actually.

Added on 7/02/09

Enter my partner in crime Celeste  . So I reluctantly sent the video to Celeste (not Catrina, she's too perky lol). And Celeste instantly heightened my fears. Celeste and I have made this journey from the beginning and we have had some real heart to heart talks, so we know each others breaking point.

Well to make a long story short, after me and Celeste acted like complete maniacs, enter Valarie.....who traveled across the world to check on my little Lulu!!!

Say Hello to Lulako

Now Riddle me this...........

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Off to the BAR!

Now come on guys!!!! STILL ME!


Not Today....

I will wait on the Lord Because his timing IS perfect.

Remember him? Well maybe you can appreciate it now!

I am okay ya'll. If I had to pick between my timing and God's I would go for God's all the time. A Rolex that doesn't require a battery. I'm good!!!!

It's coming. Please listen and appreciate!

Monday, June 15, 2009


Tomorrow morning will be a culmination of things
Tomorrow morning, a judge will wake up in Addis Ababa Ethiopia and don the honorable Black Robe
Tomorrow morning an uncle will travel many hours to say goodbye forever to the daughter of his brother
Tomorrow morning an agent will plead my case
Tomorrow morning a mother in Heaven will rejoice
Tomorrow morning I will become a mother
Tomorrow morning will be a culmination of things

It is 11:39 a.m. in Addis Ababa Ethiopia. Just one day from now my life will change.
Winds of time will come together. 
Forces bigger than me. 
Forces out of my control...
Eternal forces 
Not my agency, not MOWA, not the judge, not the uncle, not me
A force greater than ALL of that.

86,400 Seconds
And I'll Be Counting EVERYONE!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Thanks guys!!!

Honestly, the expression I laughed I cried... (and I was in class tearing up!)  Just needed to say it.  BTW Tami... you know I got evicted off the island due to not making the income requirements of Island ownership.  But I'm fighting my way back! 

Thanks everyone!



I only have a week until court and my nerves are in the toilet

1.  Can I really do this
2. Will I even pass
3. Am I ready
4. Is it too late to turn back
5. Maybe I should wait until I'm married (ha)
6. Is my daughter healthy
7. How will I support us
8. Will I find a job
9. What the HELL was I thinking
10. Is her hair ever gonna grow 
11. Will she like me
12. Will I like her
13. Will I find a daycare
14.  How will I pay for it
15. Will this nursery ever get done
16. Does it even matter
17.  Is she spoiled
18. Will I spoil her
19. Is this the right thing for her
20. Is this the right thing for me
21. Am I insane
22. Will I travel alone
23.  How the hell will I pay for it
24.  Will I stay in a guest house
25.  Will I stay in a hotel
26.  Will these ff miles get me a first class ticket
27. Who will pay for it
28.  When will I tell this new job that I have to take time off
29.  Will I pass court the first time
30.  How will I feel
31.  When will I get excited
32.  Will Gladney be able to get me in the first travel group
33. How will I finish that last paper for school
34.  Why am I so sleepy
35.  How will I manage our routine
36. What kind of car will I get
37.  Will I even be able to get one
38.  How the hell am I ever gonna catch up on these bills
39.  Will I make enough to support us both
40. Will I cloth diaper
41.  Am I insane
42.  Will her weight pick up
43. Is she ok
44. Will I trust in the lord
45.  Will she be a fit
46.  Will I be a fit
47.  Will these psycho's on the Boards EVER get a clue
48. Will I ever get to work
49. Will I ever finish my work
50.  Will I be grumpy when I come home tired
51. Will she love me anyway
52. Is she happy
53.  Will I ever see a picture of her smiling
54. Will it just be the two of us
55. Will my family love her
56. Will I love her
57.  Will she love me
58. Is this insane
59.  Is it fair that I can "afford" to raise her and her birth family can't
60.  Will we visit Addis soon
61.  Will we live overseas
62.  Will I EVER lose weight or just be a fat mommy
63.  How will I teach her to be a good person and not a brat
64.  Will she be smart
65.  Will she ever grow into her big head
66. Will I ever grow into mine
67.  Will she live to serve mankind
68.  When will the fears go away
69.  When will I love her like my own
70.  Will she know me when she first sees me
71. Will she grow up and regret leaving Ethiopia
72. Will she have brothers and sisters
73. Will we leave Michigan
74.  How will I discipline her
75. How will I continue to teach her her culture
76. Will having a child make me less marketable
77. Is it to late to turn around
78. Does my friends think I'm crazy
79. Do I care
80. Will she put prints on my stark white sofa
81. Should I sale it
82. When will I travel
83. Am I going to be lonely 
84. Will she be a lonely only child or a bully
85. Am I as crazy as the ppl on Yahoo groups
86. Is my daughter stolen
87. Is there corruption in this adoption
88. Did I pick the right name for her
89. Why don't I ever use it
90. Does she look like me
91. Will people lie to me and say she does
92. Is this the right thing
93. Can I do this
94. Do I want to 
95. Is it to late
96. Will I pass court
97. Will I travel soon
98. When will I hold MY DAUGHTER
99.  Will ppl be offended by my thoughts
100. Do I give a DAMN

yep... that was me recording all my thoughts in 5 minutes!!! I am losing my mind and very very nervous!

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Patiently Waiting!

Hey there!!! I'm still here.  And I do not have a court date yet.   I am actually patiently waiting because God is doing SO MUCH in my life right now that I am busy busy preparing to bring Babycakes home.   I am rejoicing for my dear friends that passed court!!!  Valarie and Ms. D!  I am praying for the strength of those that are just waiting and waiting and waiting... Jeanine, Celeste! I am excited for those with new little faces to look at Catrina and Haze!  I am hopeful for those preparing and waiting, Tami,  Trice, Rayshell and Cristina A.  I am in admiration of those that are building there families (way to many to name)!  But I am most overwhelmed by what a blessing this experience has been for me.  My life is out of control right now.  Complete utter chaos, and not in a good way!  But I know that the God CONTINUES to take control of the timing, the finances and the everyday victories that exist in my life!

Nope I am not anxious for a court date.  I already HAVE a date, but right now only GOD knows!!!


But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

NOW REALLY read it!

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

When times are hard it is SOOO tempting to try to find your own solution. I am struggling ya'll!!! And God continues to give me so many joys. He continues to make a way out of NOOOOOOOOO way!!! Why does he love me? Why does he remember me? Because I am his child. Because he will provide for me even when I have not been obedient. His love is the love that a parent has for a child, though they may discipline their child for being disobedient, they still continue to feed, clothe and love that child... Oh my Heavenly Father.... The greatest parent indeed!!!

This young man has a simple message to share!!! Please share it with him.

May you find the WAIT as an opportunity to build strength. Like a runner in training. Use this time to strengthen your faith and know that IT IS because HE said IT IS!



Monday, May 11, 2009

Life lessons

Honestly, I am here! Really... just a bad blogger. But this is so cute, so funny and just exemplifies parenting. So many life lessons.....

It reminds of this Cosby great memory..... (sorry couldn't upload it)


Could Rudy be any cuter? She couldn't even keep a straight face.

Oh how adorable those little faces are... our sweet little angels....

But eventually they do grow up!

Yep it will happen to all of us!!!! But there will surely be many life lessons and laughs along the way!



Tuesday, April 28, 2009


Enough Said


Sunday, April 12, 2009

The call -- My ship has FINALLY come!

disclaimer:  Not your typical description, very long, kind of boring, and just pretty odd...

Okay... Sorry it took so long to write this post. I know for me reading about THE CALL is one of my favorite parts. I didn't think I could do it any justice until the shock wore off, but I didn't want to miss the opportunity to share this.

First of all, I must preference this by saying I am a MANIAC about this adoption.  I have a strong ability to retain details and I have sorted all of the possible scenarios of how this referral could actually come about.  I was CERTAIN, my call would come this week... I was almost embarrassed to share it with very many people because I didn't want to seem so certain, but I just knew.  

Anyway, so I usually don't go to school on Thursday but I went to a workshop at school and my mind was not on the phone or the computer.  I got home at 3:00 and I thought to myself... maybe I should email Abbey to ask her if Gladney was going to be open on Friday.  You see I was convinced my call was coming on FRIDAY.  Gladney really likes Friday and now Friday was not a normal business day.  Anyway, I didn't email her.  Let me back up a little.   After hearing that I could be coming close to being matched with a baby, I had emailed Abbey and asked her to email me first in case I wasn't near the phone, then I emailed her again and said maybe you should call me.  She was good about my craziness and told me she would definitely call me because "it's better that way".  

So I'm laying across the bed not particularly feeling anything.  Just eery, quiet and weird.  At 3:57 my phone rang.  817 area code.  I picked it up rather reserved, the call went something like this (yes I am ruining it for those who are waiting lol)

Abbey:  Hi Robbin
Robbin:  Hey Abbey 
very casual, cause you know we talk everyday NOT
Abbey:  How are you Robbin
Robbin: Um... well I don't know Abbey, how are you
Abbey:  Well I think your day is about to get much better... are you near your computer
Clearly Abbey doesn't know me, I sleep with my computer.  Mac is my man.
Robbin:  Its right here Abbey...
Abbey:  I'm sending you an email, let me know when you get, we can open it together.
Insert incessant laughing here.  Delirious insane, Coo coo for Cocoa Pops Laughing
Robbin:  It's here Abbey... Oh Lord, I have a referral
At this point I start thinking....who the Hell is home... I need support!
Abbey:  There are some pictures....
Robbin:  I see them...
Abbey:  Isn't she beautiful
Ummm okay, lets stop right here... she is umm very very NOT what I expected
Abbey:  Robbin?   Are you there
No response, just shock...
Abbey:  Robbin?
Robbin:  Yes Abbey, I'm here
Abbey:  She is 4 months
Email Tami:  "I'm getting a referral"
Tami: What are you emailing for? (of course you're getting a referral what's your point)
Me: No Tami, I'm getting the referral right now...
Abbey:  Robbin are you there.... did you see the little one where she is...
Robbin:  Um Yeah sure...
Email 7 other ppl:   "I'm getting a referral!!!!!"
Abbey:  Okay Robbin I need you to open the second document
Robbin:  Okay Abbey
My phone starts ringing OFF THE HOOK.  
Email Tami:  Why the hell are you calling me??? I'm talking to Abbey
Tami:  I need INFO!!!!
Abbey: Robbin are you there?
Robbin:  Yes Abbey, I see it (whatever IT is)
I know she is saying something.  Maybe its in Amharic.  I can't understand her.  Maybe I need an interpreter.
Google... Amharic interpreter Michigan
Abbey:  Robbin what are you thinking
Robbin:  Honestly Abbey?
Abbey: Yes
Robbin:  I hear a noise so I know you must be talking... but really I hear "wa womp wa womp, wa womp, wa womp" insert Charlie Brown teacher voice  " I am honestly not sure what you are talking about."
Abbey:  Robbin are you okay.
Insert incessant laughing here. Delirious insane, Coo coo for Cocoa Pops Laughing
Abbey:  You will have all of this in writing.  You can review it later.  It can be a lot to absorb.  I'll just keep going if that's okay
Robbin: Um yeah sure
Reviewing about a hundred emails from the same seven maniacs that keep calling my phone and start sending pictures
Tami:  Answer the phone!!!!!!!! Cutie!!!!!!!!! OMGGGGGGGGGcutieeeeeeeeepiiiiiiiiieeeeeeee
Abbey:  Are you  there Robbin
Robbin:  Yes Abbey, are you done?
Abbey: Well... um there is a little more
Robbin:  I have to go now Abbey
Abbey:  Well umm... I really am happy for you, I won't be in tomorrow and......
Emailing, sweating, hyperventilating. Completely not understanding what Abbey is saying... must be Amharic again.
Robbin:  Bye Abbey, have a great Easter, talk to you Monday.  Bye now.  Bye Bye
Abbey:  Um, okay Robbin, have a great weekend.
Call ended 4:27.  39 emails from friends later!

Can I tell you that it was the weirdest and most unplanned reaction, I get that.  It was not at all how I imagined.  And it took me three days before I was ready to even relive the oddity.

More of my reaction to follow.  But I really want to share this song.  Its very very fitting!  

I know People don't always feel like watching the videos, and a lot of times they are reading from a reader or have the volume down, but the song I have going is by an artist name K'jon. It is a TREAT. It means so much to me and my little one. I would love to share it with you!

It feels like
Is passin' me by
Every now and then
It feels like (feels like)
My ship has gone and sailed away
But I
I gonna be strong (gotta be strong)
Gotta hold on
It won't be too long

Now the tide is coming near
I see the waves flowing
Out there on the ocean
I know my ship is coming in
Just pass the horizon
And right where the sky ends
Cause out there on the ocean
Know my ship is coming in
But don't leave me hanging
I've been waiting to long
But this moment
My ship has finally come

I would travel to the seven seas
(I would even go)
I would even go wherever the wind blows me
(I'll do anything)
I'll do anything to find my destiny
It's like fightin' with gravity
And it's bringin' me down
If this world was really round then tell me how
It's just a moment for you to come around

Now the tide is coming near
I see the waves flowing
Out there on the ocean
I know my ship is coming in (coming in baby)
Just pass the horizon
And right where the sky ends
Cause out there on the ocean
Know my ship is coming in
But don't leave me hanging
I've been waiting to long
But this moment
My ship has finally come

Finally you come (around)
Around, around
I said finally baby

Finally you come (around)
Around, around

Finally you come around, come around baby

Super Duper Thank You to everyone that has reached out to me.  I was NOT prepared for all the support and well wishes.  It is an amazing and overwhelming feeling.  

Thank you for sharing in this journey.  



Thursday, April 9, 2009


Today is surreal.   Today is April 9, 2009 and today I saw my daughter's beautiful TINY face!

I will tell about the call later. 

I added music just for the occasion and updated my blog background.  

Oh yeah... she is 4 months old!!!

Lyrics of course.... Lauryn Hill TO GOOD TO BE TRUE!

You're just too good to be true
can't take my eyes off of you
you'd be like heaven to touch
I wanna hold you so much
at long last love has arrived
and I thank God I'm alive
you're just too good to be true
can't take my eyes off of you

Pardon the way that I stare
there's nothing else to compare
the sight of you leaves me weak
there are no words left to speak
but if you feel like I feel
please let me know that it's real
you're just too good to be true
can't take my eyes off of you

I need you baby and if it's quite alright
I need you baby to warm the lonely nights
I love you baby, trust in me when I say:ok(its okaay)
Oh pretty baby, don't let me down, I pray
oh pretty baby, now that I've found you, stay
and let me love you, o baby, let me love you, o baby



Wednesday, April 8, 2009


No really, there has been NO movement.   Minutes feel like hours and hours feel like days.   I can't study.  And I know I have to.

So I picked a really cheesy song.  I know the video doesn't fit, but the words do!

For the life of me
I never thought that it could be
The way it stands right now
Emotions running high
Every night I wish that I
Could tell you how I feel
Those words are here in my heart
Oh but there is just
one missing part
How to put it together
How to say it right
And let you know that
Every night
I'll be dreamin'
Hoping baby you will be there
I'll be dreamin'
[ Find more Lyrics on www.mp3lyrics.org/SVmc ]
Hoping baby you will be there
Let me take time out
To try and find out
If this could be real
Cause reality scares me
I've been living a fantasy
How should I feel
Those words are here in my heart
Oh but there is just
one missing part
How to put it together
How to say it right
And let you know that
Every night
I'll be dreamin'
Hoping baby you will be there
I'll be dreamin'
Hoping baby you will be there



Saturday, April 4, 2009

Madonna and Child

In case there is some confusion:

This is THE Madonna

And this is Madonna

adoption: a legal proceeding that creates a parent-child relation between persons not related by blood; the adopted child is entitled to all privileges belonging to a natural child of the adoptive parents

There is no different definition given for those that aren't the "normal" adoptive parents...I don't understand people that rally only for the rights and privileges of those that seem "normal".  I am a Black single heterosexual PAP (prospective adoptive parent), I don't want to be judged by the married folks that don't think its important for singles to adopt, nor do I want to judge those that are homosexual trying to adopt, or even judge those adopting transracially.  Because judgment is judgment.  

judgment:  generally refers to the considered evaluation of evidence in the formation of making a decision

Honestly, I am disappointed in the people that were happy to see Madonna's adoption denied.  Of course everyone preferenced their opinion by stating that they were absolutely not in judgment.  No one would ever say their true reason for being against Madonna adopting this little girl.  

Is it Racism?  - Are you opposed to it because of the transracial aspects.

Is it Classism? -Are you opposed to it because you believe that Madonna used her money to bully her way thru the system

Is it Religious Intolerance? - Does your religion give you Carte Blanche to decide who is and isn't worthy?

I think its just pure Judgism...  Yep I made it up.  How ridiculous to assume that money is enough to make the stresses of adoption any easier?  So it gets you to the front of the line.  But it is still as stressful and heartfelt an experience as any PAP feels when desiring to grow their family.   How ridiculous to assume its done for publicity or due to some trend... Really the same money that got her to the front of the line, could have easily bought her a few schools in underdeveloped areas with her name on them, that's publicity.  She certainly could have used that same money to find a less public situation with a more accommodating official just to get her a "matching" kid.  Nope, she returned to the country that gave her the wonderful son, that she loves dearly and has with her whenever she is seen out publicly who has clearly enhanced her life.  She returned to Malawi.   She did her homestudy, she did her embassy clearances, she paid her fees to get before the judge (while spending many more dollars in the country), she REQUESTED a waiver and she was denied.  

Who gets to judge?  Certainly not the same people that have stood or will stand before a decision maker asking for the same consideration -- an opportunity to parent a child.  Because after all, who has really earned it?  If only AP's and PAP's would stand up for the ideal of parenting by adoption and not the ideal of parenting by adaption.  I'm not trying to fit the "norm" I trying  to be a Mom. 

If Madonna had "just" got pregnant, she could've saved herself a lot of headaches.  Shame on her for not picking a more established program -- like Ethiopia  to get a healthy infant as young as possible.  Nope shame on her for trying to adopt a 4 year old ORPHAN.   How dare she, who the hell does she think she is.   Using her money and status to take a child away from her home...

I am so very confused.   

God bless Mercy... Or is it Lord Have Mercy

Ok, todays selection has a double meaning.   Absolutely better include the lyrics because you have to get past all those preconceived Madonna feelings to appreciate this one....

Ive had other guys
Ive looked into their eyes
But I never knew love before
til you walked through my door
Ive had other lips
Ive sailed a thousand ships
But no matter where I go
Youre the one for me baby this I know, cause its


True love
Youre the one Im dreaming of
Your heart fits me like a glove
And Im gonna be true blue baby I love you

Ive heard all the lines
Ive cried oh so many times
Those tear drops they wont fall again
Im so excited cause youre my best friend
So if you should ever doubt
Wonder what love is all about
Just think back and remember dear
Those words whispered in your ear, I said

No more sadness, I kiss it good-bye
The sun is bursting right out of the sky
I searched the whole world for someone like you
Dont you know, dont you know that its

Honestly not trying to piss anyone off... April Fools... You know I don't really care about pissing anyone off.



Friday, April 3, 2009


Continuing with my very subtle hints by way of a musical parade. 
Nothing much to report here...

I give you this Green Day hint hit.


I've been waiting for a long time
For this moment to come
I'm destined
For anything...at all
Downtown lights will be shining
On me like a diamond
Ring out under the midnight hour
No one can touch me now
And I can't turn my back
It's too late ready or not at all

I'm so much closer than
I have ever known...
Wake up

Dawning of a new era
Calling...don't let it catch you falling
Ready or not at all
So close enough to taste it
Almost...I can embrace this
Feeling....on the tip of my tongue

I'm so much closer than
I have ever known...
Wake up
Better thank your lucks stars....

I've been waiting for a life time
For this moment to come
I'm destined for anything at all

Colour me stupid
Good luck
You're gonna need it
Where I'm going if I get there...
At all....

Wake up
Better thank your lucky stars....

That's all I can say.... For now....



Thursday, April 2, 2009

I'm So Excited

Since I'm limited with what I can tell you... I will serenade you in song. Don't be trying to guess LOL. And naw this ain't April Fool's. When I have something to tell ya, I will!

POINTER SISTERS!!!!! I'm So excited.... I'm about to lose control and I think I like it!



Wednesday, April 1, 2009

April Fool's

Today I played the best April Fool's joke on my FB friends and fam.  And now I feel really bad because I have to tell them I was just kidding......

I even had family calling me from out of town...

But I did get some great news today... no joke.   And Babycakes may be right around the corner.

I'll keep you posted



Tuesday, March 17, 2009

There Is NO Me Without You

Anyone adopting a child from Ethiopia has either read, intend to read or been advised to read this book.  There is No Me Without You by Melissa Fay Greene is a must read when trying to understand the in's and out's of the orphan crisis in Ethiopia.

The book is the about the story of  Hargewoin Teferra  " a middle-class Ethiopian widow whose home became a refuge for hundreds of AIDS orphans, and about a few remarkable children who moved through her life." 

Sadly, Ms. Teferra has passed away.  Ethiopia has lost a warrior for children's rights.



Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Not Angry, Just tired.....

Suggestive emails with racial undertones are ridiculous!  So long Dean Grose!

In 2003 Kweisi Mfume, then president and CEO of the NAACP held a press conference rejecting streotypes of Black people in America.

"We are still living with the entirely untrue racist labels placed on African-Americans hundreds of years ago. We [African-Americans] do not enjoy sitting on our porches, nor do we frequently drink malt liquor from 40-ounce bottles. We do not wear our hats backward, nor our pants with one leg bunched up, and we certainly wear more than just Fila and FUBU. We love to swim. Also, few of us are afraid of dogs. Our hair is not nappy, our buttocks not big, our noses and lips not wide, and our legs are plenty hairy. Our elbows, knees, and heels are smooth and moist. We are not prone to stealing things and we think white women are ugly. We never buy cheap cars and put expensive stereo systems in them. As for the stereos we have, we always keep them playing at a courteous level. As for the cars, we always drive with our seats up and both hands on the wheel. We rarely use swear words, and our grammar is always perfect. The great majority of us think Snoop Dogg is lewd and inappropriate. We never call women derogatory names like “bitches” or “hos.” We do not smoke Kool and most of us have never heard of Newport.

We do not smoke Buddha, nor chronic, nor hocus-pocus, nor any other narcotics. We barely know the meanings of the words “fly,” “dope,” “trick,” “phat,” “dawg,” and “off the hook,” among others. Those of us who are musicians know what guitars and drums are and how to use them to make music. We rarely sing about guns or women. Our handshakes are not complicated at all. We do not like to make fun of white people. We never talk about the “white man” holding us down. We do not name our daughters after perfumes with “ita” added to the end. We do not necessarily like the taste of sweet potato pie, nor collard greens, nor fried chicken, nor watermelon. I don’t even know what chitlins are. Just about all the others I’ve forgotten are false, too. I hope this aids in the removal of racial boundaries and what not."

When asked if any African-American stereotypes are true, Mfume responded: “Well our dicks are huge. Oh, and we can dance like a motherfucker.”



Wednesday, February 18, 2009


This pissed me off.  It should piss you off too (cause its my blog and I said so).  I would love to hear ANYTHING that sounds like a different perspective on this...... 

I borrowed it from my friend Valarie's blog.... we both are at a loss for words (I know hard to believe right).

Oh yeah.   The NEW YORK POST published this......

I wanted to say little but come on.....  Two days ago a chimp was killed after attacking a visitor to his "mom's" home.    The tape was chilling.   This is what you do to a chimp out of control. 

Is there a correlation?



Thursday, February 12, 2009

Its just hair.....

I'm a law student.  So anyone that knows me knows I love a good argument. But what drives me crazy is when someone acts as if because something does not affect them, it really must not affect anyone else. My last post was linked to a much larger forum and received quite a lot of differing opinions. I must say I have gained a different perspective from my fellow PAP's. I am not saying all Black mom's have hair figured out and that White mom's don't. Come on clearly my Mom missed the hair lesson given to all new mothers at new mother school. But I do think that when we are raising Black boys in White America and Black girls in White America we MUST consider what works best for them. Lets face it, we all want to just fit in... (well most of us anyway). I posted this in part on the forum. I'm sure it will not be well received. But I wanted to share it here as well.

For those who actually read my post, I put a picture of my brother. A few days ago my college educated brother, who has lived on 4 continents and is an accomplished musician, doesn't sag (pants) and was walking along a very diverse street in Manhattan, was stopped by an undercover police officer, questioned and basically badgered because he "fit the profile". After refusing to answer any questions, submit to any search and demanding an explanation, he was "released" and "allowed" to go on his way. Humiliated, is possibly the best word to describe how he felt. Could it happen to anyone? Absolutely. Did he get a chance to explain that he is not African American but perhaps Ethiopian...Nope. Bottom line for me is this: Will he come home and get the necessary support and understanding that he needs in order to dust his self off and go into the big bad world again tomorrow or will he be met with opposition by those who don't want to believe that IT does matter. That you have to really consider what you are doing to possibly add to the issues that is faced everyday by being Black in America.

and because you know I love pictures. I wanted to share this most current one of my brother.....

Needless to say I was heartbroken.  And he looks crazy without all those luscious locs!!!



Monday, February 9, 2009


I used to wear Dread locs.  I of course don't call them Dread locs, because there is nothing dreadful about them.   I wanted to loc my hair for several years but was not ready for the commitment and the finality.  I started locing in 2000.  I wore my hair loc'd for 7 years.  In that time, I had many friends that wore locs as well

My mother wears locs

My brother wears Locs

So you ask yourself... what is the point?

Well we all Loc'd our hair after we were GROWN!  I am truly appalled at the trend of adoptive parents -- transracial adoptions -- (White parents, Black Children)-- locing their children hair. Apparently the parents think that this is either a.) desirable by the child or b.) easier to deal with.  IT'S NOT!!!!   

Locs are first and foremost a choice.  You will not find ONE Black parent that will loc their children's hair unless the child is old enough to request it or unless the parents have locs of their own.  Locs are a serious and intimate decision.  Some wear it for fashion.  But either way, all loc wearers know it should not be entered without much thought, understanding and commitment.  

It is amazing to me how many hours are spent posting about hair care for "Black" hair.  But I understand that the best way to counteract the unknown is to study up.  But to loc a child's hair.  A child???? Are you serious?  

Little Black girls love to swing their pigtails as equally as their white counterparts.  Getting your hair pressed for Easter Sunday is a rites of passage of sorts.   Hair envy is common, even on small girls.   Little Black girls were not very happy to have their hair braided up because although it saved you from the torture of getting your hair "did", it ultimately took away the free feeling of having your hair down.

My heart is sad.  I know it might seem so petty but I promise you, it is a growing and pretty irreversible trend.  To see so many PAP's make this decision, discuss it and pass pictures on forums, just makes me wonder.... just how much adoptive parents really understand about the challenges faced in transracial adoptions.  Yes I know that seems harsh but so is being insensitive to what it means to be Black in America.

I believe in adoption.  I believe a child deserves to be in a loving caring home.  I also believe that adoption requires an "eyes wide open" approach.  The level of understanding is not decided merely by "following your heart" and "saving an orphan".  It is not based on cost nor wait times.   It's not merely something that can be reversed by disruption or institutionalization.  Its not to be done to prove a point......  It is the ultimate gift of life.

I wish I could reach out to the AP's doing this, but I have tried and met great opposition.   I found with adoption, people rarely want to hear the truth, or even your opinion.  They want to believe what they want to believe.  Period.

I am too pissed to say what I want to say.   This is a politically correct blog :)



Wednesday, January 28, 2009


The adoption process is like standing on constantly shifting sand.......

Enough said.

TTYL Robbin 

*Thanks Christina!

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Where have you been?

Studying of course!  A while back I was praying for some direction and thankfully, so many have prayed for me as well.   I know  this is suppose to be a good thing,  but I am very grateful to almost me done... looking like this!

Actually, I just hadn't posted in a while and I wanted to talk about one of my real passions in life..... eating!!!! LOL.  Really I would post before and after pics if I had some after after pics to regain my dignity.  Alas, there are none yet so I have to let you in on a little secret.... I'm on a LIVIT..... what's that you say?  Well its like a Diet... except you do it to Live, so you change forever!!! :)  I have lost 4 lbs in record time and that's all I'm telling you about that!  Suffice it to say that my goal weight loss is exponentially higher than that by many times.   

I have some ideals on how I will do it and I am going to journal it.  But just not so YOU can see lol.   I really want to be ready for an active toddler (or teenager as my negative boyfriend seems to think she will be by the time she comes home!)  I used to run and I actually have a very good food palette. So I think I can combine the two and maybe get some positive results.....

I also wanted to take a moment to discuss my unnatural addiction to Ethiopian food.   Actually, my addiction to it has overtaken my addiction to Taco's!   LOL.   Basically if I hear the word Taco I then need to go home and cook them for dinner (I feel it coming on right now).  However if I SEE injera  then I start to crave it and if I see Doro wat, and lamb and all the other spicy fixins... I have to run over to my favorite Ethiopian restaurant in the area Taste of Ethiopia and see my favorite proprietor Meskerem .   
I know that Ethiopian food is family style dining.   But the other day I couldn't help it and since I am unable to convince any of my friends to eat there with me.... I had to go alone!!!! That's right,  a whole table full of food for just ME!!!!!!!!!!

Which brings me full circle to my LIVIT.  And the end of this really stupid post.

TTYL Robbin

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Its not class its RACE!!!!

2009.... Are we no further ahead? Despite our president elect.... Is America advancing or regressing or is it just again coming out?

23-year-old son of former baseball star shot in his driveway by police officer

Robbie Tolan, a minor league baseballer, remains hospitalized with bullet in liver

Family alleges racial profiling: "If these had been white kids, this does not happen"

Tolan's father, Bobby, had a 15-year career in the majors

Guess he stole his own car?

I know this is a blog about "happy thoughts" but I think its a relevant topic when bringing Black boys into this continuing climate of racism. Its minorities, Black and Hispanic... Our Ethiopian and Guatemalan "Princes".



Wednesday, January 7, 2009

What is the value of a life?

22 years old. A father. Shot in the back while laying on his stomach, with the knee of an officer at his neck. In front of hundreds of witnesses. On the subway.

It is not easy to watch. It shouldn't be. There is no reason. There is no justification. There is a child left without a father; a family struggling to figure it out; a company scrambling to justify it, a community trying to make sense of it, an attorney hoping to quantify it, a race praying to make it stop, a life lost. Senselessly lost.

Does it make it easier to ignore it if you knew that he was fighting. That he was a convicted felon. That he worked in the fast food industry. That he only has a GED?

Does it matter that he is a Black man, and all of the officers were not.

Or rather... he was.

BTW Officer Johannes Mehserle is reported to be the officer that confused his taser with his hand gun. And one day after the murder he became a proud father. Hmm, what does one say to him. What would Sophina Mesa -- the mother of Oscar's daughter Tatiana say?

I struggled with writing about this. Wonder if I'm just getting soft. Cause I won't say what I want to say. I'll just let it be inferred.