Thursday, July 2, 2009

Faith not Fear

This post was previously written on 6/19/09 but I never finished it

So ya'll know I'm very kool, kalm and kollective right? WRONG... Last week I completely lost it!!!!

See what had happened was .....

I was blessed with this video from Amy E from her travels in early May, and i could never open it. So out of the blue one night Amy gets it fixed up and sends it to me. Now ya'll should know that Catrina is a video maniac and has been waiting on Lulu's video since way before she got her own referral. So any way I open of the video...1 minute and like 3 seconds....and I am completely torn. I mean is this my baby... can this be my daughter? She is so tiny, so helpless. Is she sick... is she OKAY????? I mean Lulu was VERY tiny when I got her referral and she is growing SOOOOOO slowly.

All the thoughts that run thru your head... its just overwhelming. I'm talking 5 days before court and am I really RECONSIDERING!!! SECOND GUESSING!!!! or God forbid REGRETTING?!?!?!?!?!

Can I take care of a sick baby?

Man, i just did not want to think about this. So I just got really really quiet. I think that EVERY parent worries about the health of their baby. Regardless if you give birth to a child or if you adopt a child, the fear of the unknown is VERY great. The problem is this. There are a ton of birth parents that discuss these fears. With their family, their doctor, their friends -- a therapist). They do extra test and obsess over the ultrasounds, they prepare a special diet and stay out of the way of smokers. But adoptive parents, we don't have the luxury of taking all of these precautions. We don't have the luxury of holding our little one and and assessing all the fingers and all the toes. This is obviously the first thing that a mother does after birth (not like she can send Baby back...). We require the same reassurances. So we rely on the monthly reports, the pictures, and the short 1 minute videos. And we assess. I'm telling you... I was not pleased with what I was seeing. I was terrified actually.

Added on 7/02/09

Enter my partner in crime Celeste  . So I reluctantly sent the video to Celeste (not Catrina, she's too perky lol). And Celeste instantly heightened my fears. Celeste and I have made this journey from the beginning and we have had some real heart to heart talks, so we know each others breaking point.

Well to make a long story short, after me and Celeste acted like complete maniacs, enter Valarie.....who traveled across the world to check on my little Lulu!!!

Say Hello to Lulako

Now Riddle me this...........


  1. Wow, she is soooo beautiful!!

    You know there are no guarantees in life, but I know that you will love her to pieces once you hold her in your arms. I know someone who brought home a baby from Ethiopia who was underweight and tiny, and once she was here and got good formula and lots of love she caught up right away. It is okay to be scared and it is okay to wonder if you are doing the right thing, but being scared is not a reason not to do it. Life is scary, but many of the scary things in life are so wonderful and worth while in the end. I cant wait until you bring her home.. She is going to love being your little girl, and you will love being her mom. I promise!

  2. p.s.

    That gorgeous smile and those big beautiful brown eyes are priceless!

  3. wait a minute... does this mean what I think it means? Did you PASS COURT!?!?! I am (cautiously but optimistically) jumping up and down in joy for you!

    but seriously...I need confirmation please!

  4. Ok, I'm upset I missed being added to the story this time...where is my name?

    Congratulations on little beauty Ms. Scotland Rose Lulako chica.

    Hugs & Kisses. Everything gon' be alright.

  5. OMG she is so cute Robbin

    Congrats, I had to visit the blogs one more time just to see your transformation, love the music, the blog make over, so choked up right now w/tears streaming down my sweet indeed!!!!

    Yes I told you LuLU would be laughing at us, making such a fuss!!!!

    Congrats Momma!


    PS H will be home sooooonnnnn to babysit, you can bet your bottom dollar on that. :)

  6. Yes, Baby Girl is fine! She is the love of the caregivers life!

    In fact, when I talked to her a few days ago, the only thing she told me to tell her Mommy was was this, "Hurry up and come get me and feed me some injera and greens!!!!"

    She is perfectly healthy, alert, full of smiles and just waiting for you to do what you gotta do!

    Love Ya Mommy Robbin & Lulako!!!

  7. Congratulations Robbin!!

    She will grow to be a big baby indeed. She'll grow leaps and bounds. Congratulations again! Hey, she looks a little like you already.

  8. I have tracked your journey from the beginning never leaving a comment though :-). However, for this post I must.


    Now the real fun begins!!!

  9. Robbin!!! She is so beautiful, I was crying watching the video. Soooo sweet, you can tell she's waiting on her loving momma. Ummp ummp ummp Congrats Lady. Hoping for a speedy travel date:)

  10. Congratulations!!! She's beautiful!!!

  11. Congrats!!! She looks SO wonderful...all chunky and squeezable:-) Love it!!!

  12. Congratulations Robbin!
    She is a doll. I hope that you will be traveling soon to bring her home.

  13. Congratulations! She's beautiful and looks good! My daughter was also a teeny tiny peanut when she came home. She's always been small and probably always will be, but she's as healthy as an Ox and smarter than the smartest smarty pants. So really don't worry. Just get ready for the time of your life.